Happy Tree Friends
“Wow, that squirell was filled with ketchup!”
“This show is filled with Kennys!”
Happy Tree Friends is an Academy Award-winning internet series about cute furry animals resembling Carebears, and their knack of doing stupid things which get them horribly mutilated and killed as a result. It has a long history of tricking little kids into watching and then giving them nightmares. Tree Friends are able to suffer horrible, bloody deaths and magically come back to life for the next episode, similar to Kenny McCormick.
Happy Tree Friends are basically a bunch of technicolour woodland creatures with heart-shaped noses, buck teeth, pacman eyes, mitten hands, and boot-shaped feet. Most of them possess a cute and cuddly appearance, except Lumpy, who is big and ugly, and looks nothing like the rest of the cast.
The tree friends also have the ability to speak, though high-pitched squeaky gibberish is the only thing that comes out, as they have speech impediments to go with their stupidity.
Perhaps their most amazing feature is their ability to resurrect themselves after experiencing horrible deaths, usually due to their knack for doing dangerous things and the fact they are secretly made of a glass and paper-like substance. So, think Care Bears meets Itchy and Scratchy.
Happy Tree Friends was created by Mondo Mini Shows (in particular, the sick fucks Aubrey Ankrum, Rhode Montijo, Kenn Navarro and Warren Graff). It all started when they wanted to make a documentary about cute furry singing animals that live in the forest. Eventually, they came across several tree friends playing on a merry-go-round. Sounds like your generic Disney movie, don't it? Well, everything DID go for the first few minutes of filming, then Lumpy came along and bloodbath started. Mondo said "this is not what we wanted at all...it's way better!". Since then, Mondo has made many more documentaries depicting the gory everyday life of the tree friends and posting them into Youtube and stuff. Not only has the show won many awards, but it has also gained a large amount of fans. The show has become such a phenomenon that many fans have created their own Happy Tree Friends characters. Happy Tree Friends has also earned millions of dollars with merchandise, including stuffed toys, costumes, video games, and a TV series.
Cuddles: A yellow rabbit that loves carrots (because of course he fucking does). His favorite color is yellow and he's is the mascot of the show. He thinks that Giggles is hotter than Paris Hilton. For some reason, he has died more often that any other character, meaning that his lucky feet have not actually done him any good despite what superstition leads people to believe (Maybe you need to cut them off, first?).
Giggles: A pink chipmunk with no tail. She wears a red bow on her head and is usually seen frolicking through the flowers, looking at butterflies and birds, and other girly stuff. However, she is also a philanderer. She has a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with Cuddles, even though they have never kissed and she has frequently cheated on him by having sex with other characters. She is friends with Petunia, Toothy, and Lumpy.
"Toothy": A purple beaver with massively-huge buck teeth. Other than that, he does not have much of a personality and is the loser of the Tree friend world. He is usually sent to fill in the role of getting killed when the other characters don't feel like it. For some reason, most of his deaths involve his right eye being impaled and/or pulled out. He is also a horrible dentist.
Lumpy: A blue moose who is big and ugly compared to other tree friends, much resembling Bullwinkle. He's a few nickels short of a dollar bill, to put it nicely. Lumpy got kicked out of Kindergarten and once lost to Goofy in an intelligence contest. Lumpy later got a job as one of the characters on Happy Tree Friends. He kills a lot of people, and sometimes himself, due to his, uh, lack of not-stupidity. Still, he has appeared more times in the show than any other character and gets a variety of occupations on the show. Many people just feel sorry for this poor retarded moose and like to give him more chances.
Petunia: A blue skunk who wears a flower on her head and an air freshener as a necklace. She is a clean character who hates getting dirty and goes Ape Shit Crazy if she sees the slightest bit of dirt. She takes, like, five showers a day or something. She's the person who skins herself alive just to get gunk off her body. And that's what you get when you put a carebear, a neat freak, and an emo together. Her deaths usually involve household appliances that surprisingly are not Transformers in disguise. She is friends with Giggles and also has a crush on Handy. They never kissed either. Go figure.
Handy: An orange beaver with amputated arms. He lost his arms one day by foolishly playing with a chainsaw while chopping down trees. Handy is known for making a grumpy face when he fails to do something that requires arms. How he is able to create buildings and drive a car is a mystery, but he is no longer able to brush his teeth, turn on his shower, or wipe his ass after taking a dump. This has made it nearly impossible for Handy to find love (with the exception of Petunia). For some strange reason, most characters have the ability to regrow their body parts while Handy's arms remain pathetic amputated stubs. I don't get it either.
Sniffles: A blue anteater who wears glasses with tape and a pocket protector. Being a nerd, he seems to be very intelligent. He's known for being a failure in life because he has built lots of inventions that eventually lead to his own death. But mainly it's because he's not even able to eat ants, as every attempt he tries to eat ants fails and the ants are seemingly from the darkest depths of Hell, given that they torture and kill him in the most sadistic manner possible. Sniffles usually dies the most torturous deaths in the show, because his high intelligence gives him extra amounts of pain receptors.
Nutty: A crazy green squirrel who is addicted to sugar. He has a lazy eye and has candy stuck all over his body. What else? He laughs almost all the time (even when he dies). If Nutty doesn't get his beloved crack candy, he will scream, cut himself, and get a seizure. Nutty is infamous for stealing candy from children and eating children who dress up as candy.
Pop & Cub: Pop is a bear with a son named Cub. He is a horrible parent who has strangely never had Cub taken away from him by the Child Protection Agency (if they even exist in this show). Besides giving his son bad examples such as smoking, talking to strangers, and drunk driving, he also ignores Cub and doesn't notice anything until he's dead. Unlike Cub, Pop rarely dies (but thankfully, he still dies). His wife has either left him or has died and strangely not returned to life. It's possible that Pop killed her like he does to Cub. And his two brothers, Snap and Crackle, who are also now permanently dead.
Flaky: A red porcupine with dandruff and bad hair, whose gender has been long debated by scientists. It was recently revealed by Bill Nye the Science Guy that Flaky was indeed a girl. She is known for being a coward and is scared of almost everything she sees, possibly due to an uncomfortable childhood experience.
The Mole: A blind purple mole without an actual name. He wears sunglasses and a turtleneck. He's a regular Mr. Magoo, as he accidentally kills other characters and uses their body parts as everyday objects without even knowing it. The Mole even drives. It is shown that approximately 46% of all car accidents are caused by blind drivers like The Mole. The only thing worse than a blind driver is a drunk blind driver. Thankfully, The Mole doesn't drink. Or smoke pot. Not that he'd be able to because his draw-distance is worse than South Park on the N64.
Mime: A purple deer who, like the Mole, also doesn't have an actual name. As a result of being dropped on his head as a child, he now mentally thinks he is a mime. Like all creepy mimes, he doesn't talk, he pretends to be stuck in an invisible box, and goes around terrorizing little kids at the circus. And how does he not scream when he dies? Oh, right. Mime.
Russell: A turquoise sea otter who mentally thinks he's a pirate. He has peg legs, a hook hand, an eye patch, a pirate hat due to poking Cthulhu with a stick, says "yarr" a lot, and lives in some sort of pirate ship in a tree. Unlike usual pirates who plunder ships and steal treasure, Russell swims in the ocean and eats clams all day long. He once met Spongebob, who laughed at his suit and said that he wasn't any more of a pirate than any of those jokers in Somalia. In fact, Russell is an embarrassment to pirates and aquatic animals everywhere.
Disco Bear: Basically, he's Stifler's reincarnation. He also stole Kool-Aid Man's catchphrase by saying "Oh, yeah" a lot. Disco Bear is known for his urge to to move around with his body. He is also well known for his often failed attempts to have sex with women.
Lifty & Shifty: Two green raccoons who are identical twins (except Shifty wears a hat). They are master thieves who enjoy stealing from other people. They can't share, which usually leads to their deaths. They usually make an annoying grin and snicker before they commit their crimes. In the past years, they have stolen large amounts of money, gold, kittens, and dead bodies, among other despicable crimes such as carjacking, sneaking into your house, and deleting your Uncyclopedia articles while you sleep. They even stole the A-team's van! Thankfully, Lifty and Shifty haveg a survival rate of 12.12%.
Cro-Marmot: A green Marmot who has been frozen in a block of ice for a million years, but is somehow able to drive an ice cream truck. I don't get it either. He is one of the few characters who rarely dies, due to the fact that his ice block is bulletproof. He was frozen as punishment for a despicable crime, which was wiping out the dinosaurs by farting a toxic gas that blocked out the sun and prevented them from breathing. This is why Cro-Marmot is always stored in cold places (like the inside of my fridge).
Flippy: A green bear who once served in the Vietnam War. He wears a camo suit and dog tags. He is probably the most famous Happy Tree Friends character of all time, mostly because he kills everyone around him due to flashbacks of his war days. Flippy is so popular, that many people prefer watching episodes where he appears (even though there are very few of them). He recently served his duties again in Afghanistan and killed Osama Bin Laden with his bear hands. Get it? Yeah, me neither.
Splendid A blue flying squirrel with super strength and laser eyes. Unfortunately, he's not what you call Superman. He is a horrible superhero who only makes things worse when he tries to save someone, making people wonder why he is the chairman of the Happy Justice League. The worst part is that he hardly ever dies at all. His only weakness is this sort of drug called Kryptonut.
Lammy & Mr. Pickels: They were new characters who were voted into the show and defeated the other new character, Truffles. Lammy is a lavender sheep who has no friends except an imaginary pickle with a top hat and moustache. Little does she know, the pickle is actually a hitman hired by Mondo Mini Shows. The pickle goes around killing random characters and making it look like Lammy did it. When Lammy tries to tell someone the pickle did it, they think she's as crazy as Flippy.
Buddhist Monkey: Some guy who kicks ninja ass each and every day. He is the one of the only characters who has never died. He was originally going to be one of the main characters, but was taken out because he was too Asian.
The Ants: A sadistic family of ants from the darkest depths of Hell who torture, rape, and kill Sniffles everytime he tries to eat them. They only speak in yelps, and like Buddhist Monkey, they have never died either. Strangely, Sniffles is the only tree friend to see the ants. Even when other characters are around, they don't even notice Sniffles being tortured. Or maybe they don't care.
Truffles: A grumpy blue pig in a sailor suit. He was supposed to be a new character, but lost to Lammy. However, he still appears in the show by becoming a stalker and making random appearances in episodes.
Generic Tree Friends: A bunch of carebears who serve as background characters (usually when the writers want to add more gorefest to episodes).
Tiger General: Some tiger dude with one eye and a claw for a hand. He tried to kill Flippy in the war, due to the fact that Flippy thought he was the Frosted Flakes guy. He and many of his soldiers were huffed by Flippy, and the Tiger General's face got turned into pizza or something.
Splendont: Splendid's evil twin who is surprisingly good at saving people.
Some parents fall for this and irresponsibly let their three-year old children watch it despite the clearly visible warning signs shown before the beginning of episodes. As a result, tens of thousands of children all over America have gotten nightmares. Not wanting to admit their mistake, the parents decided to blame Mondo Mini Shows and take Happy Tree Friends off the air.
However, Oscar Wilde, who was a big fan of Happy Tree Friends, went up and said the show could be a good thing, because it tells children not to do dangerous stunts and what happens if they do. Also this teaches people not to judge a cartoon by the way it looks. And that's how the controversial yet beloved show remains on air to this very day.
The Happy Tree Friends Movie
Mondo Mini Shows has recently announced that Happy Tree Friends will be made into a live-action movie which is expected to hit theaters soon. The movie will depict Lumpy accidentally blowing up the White House, causing the President to send his troops out to capture all the tree friends. Everyone except Lumpy, Flippy, Sniffles, Splendid, and Cuddles gets captured and sent to a government facility where they await execution by electrocution, firing squad, hanging, and lethal injection. While Splendid flies off to kill aliens, Lumpy, Flippy, Sniffles, and Cuddles join forces to rescue their friends. They send Cuddles out to sneak into prison to save everyone. Along the way, Sniffles creates a potion that causes Flippy to turn into a giant monster and attack Tokyo. Meanwhile, Cuddles manages to rescue Flaky, Giggles, Handy, and Petunia and helps them express their feelings. Lifty and Shifty also escape but are shot to death when they steal from the Treasury and are eventually hunted down. Sniffles and Giggles are kidnapped and bound and gagged in a cage but escape. Giggles loves him afterwards, much to Cuddles's dismay. Guest stars include Justin Bieber as the voice of Justin Beaver, who will be murdered by Lumpy during the film.
After the film's development was completed in late 2011, reviews have named it the
worst best greasiest unreleased animated blood-and-guts movie of all time. The film is set to be rated PG for graphic violence, horror/terror, and pervasive language. Because that's how bad the raters are at their jobs.