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| Where man always bites dog | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, January 16, 2026, 01:57:59 (UTC) |
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 WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. President Donald Trump is celebrating his success in "breaking the mustache mafia" after American soldiers captured Venezuelan strongman Nicolas Maduro.
Referencing John Bolton and the late Saddam Hussein of Iraq as leaders of the "fascist facial fungus clique", Trump said he made his decision to seize Maduro after a game of golf. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has defended his decision to order an attack on Santa Claus and his reindeer off the coast of Venezuela.
"We have no doubt that this so-called Santa Claus is actually a drug crime boss based in the North Pole", Hegseth said. "He had no reason to be anywhere near Venezuela." Full story»  WASHINGTON, Trump #1 Capital District -- U.S. President Donald Trump has renamed Christmas "America Day".
The move follows the controversial earlier renamings of the Trump-Lincoln Memorial and Thanksgiving, now known as "Thank You Mr. Trump". Full story»  CANBERRA, Australia -- As the Australian Government bans everyone under the age of 16 from all social media platforms, Uncyclopedia admins have implemented their own ban on editors — no funny people allowed.
Now, when signing up, the new Artificial Intelligence (called UnAI) will run a full background check, including credit score, parking fines, and overdue movie rentals. Full story»  WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Singer Miley Cyrus will lend her wrecking ball to President Donald Trump's radical changes to the White House.
Cyrus said she was "thrilled to be asked" to help clear away the substandard East Wing and replace it with a golden ballroom. Full story»  LONDON -- Disgraced British royal Prince Andrew is to be banished from his home country after fresh revelations about his involvement with Jeffrey Epstein and young women.
His brother King Charles III said his brother was now an ex-royal persona non grata. Full story»  GREENBELT, Maryland -- John R. Bolton, a top aide in the first administration of Donald Trump who went on to become a large, hirsute thorn in Trump's side, was indicted.
Prosecutors said it is always awkward when the government is investigating Iranian hackers and discovers they had secret documents because the President's National "Security" Advisor was emailing them to relatives through AOL. Full story»  ALLIGATOR ALCATRAZ, Florida -- Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has announced that the state's numerous Cracker Barrel restaurants will be used as immigration checkpoints.
State troopers, seated in the corner and oddly ordering neither food nor drink, will peruse other patrons for signs that they might fit in better in some other country. Full story»  MOHEGAN SUN CASINO, Connecticut -- The Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA) is seeing its season dominated by the Flying Dildos, the franchise based at this casino.
The league's new theme centers on the dildo, a perfect fit for a league that emphasizes doing things without men. Fans are getting into the act, tossing plasticware onto courts during games. Full story» / |
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |
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