UnNews:Ukraine minister charged with corruption

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28 April 2024

Solskyi ponders Ukraine's selection in the fourth round of the NFL Draft.

KYIV, Ukraine -- Ukraine Farm Minister Oleksandr Solskyi has been detained on charges of corruption.

Solskyi has been charged with unlawfully obtaining land worth 291 million hryvnias,[1] and trying to get 190 million hryvnias[1] more. Agricultural land in Ukraine is in great demand, especially once the land mines are cleared, which virtually anyone can do, even more easily with a hungry, inquisitive dog. Moreover, irrigation has not been a concern since the Kakhovka dam in Donbass was blown up.

A leading cash crop is the mortar shell. Most Ukrainian land is pre-planted with Russian 160mm shells. It is a long wait for saplings to emerge, but worth it if the farmer finds a mutant at 155mm that will actually fit Ukrainian mortars without rattling around.

Whether Solskyi hoped to farm mortar shells is unknown. The Ukraine High Corruption Court freed him after he paid 75 million hryvnias[1] in bail, which he happened to have in his suit-jacket pocket. Ukraine's defense minister and intelligence chief had previously lost their jobs for corruption, which is one reason Ukraine is fighting the war without defense and intelligence.

Ukraine has been ardently campaigning for full membership in the European Union and NATO. This would not only disclose what a hryvnia[1] is worth in Euros, but would immediately force dozens of nations to treat the Russian invasion as an attack on themselves and pour in millions of their own troops as the nukes begin flying. The blocs, however, want assurances that Ukraine has overcome decades of overt corruption. The United States would likewise appreciate solving the corruption problem, as it would fortify hopes that the $60,000 million aid package Speaker Mike Johnson recently snuck through Congress will mostly fund its designated goals, as opposed to Swiss bank accounts like the last few tranches.

Canada recently warned that Western weapons shipped to Ukraine could wind up not only in Russia but on the black market — though on a completely different shelf from the stuff the U.S. abandoned in Afghanistan.

U.S. President Joe Biden, whose motto is "Ten Percent for the Big Guy", has a longstanding push to look past Ukraine corruption. He recently came to Solskyi's defense, telling the White House Correspondents' Dinner, "I condemn Ukraine corruption! But I also condemn all those people who don't understand what's happening to Solskyi. No joke."


  1. 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 Gesundheit!