Main Page

the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

36,745 articles in English

Today's featured article – UnNews:Bad karaoke costs boys their vocal cords

NORTHAMPTON, England -- Three friends with learning difficulties, including one with Down's syndrome, performed such a poor rendition of the Beatles' classic "Hey Jude" at the Abington Pub in Northampton that the pub landlord removed their vocal cords.

Suspicions grew after landlord Neil Bartholomey purchased a bumper pack of best-value gags, three 2m × 2m cemetery plots, and a DIY embalming kit. It was later revealed that the whole patronage of the pub had been in on the plot to end the boys' budding singing careers.

"They were driving away customers with their ranting," Mr. Bartholomey explained. "It's not like this is the first time they've done it, either! Sometimes they just come in at about 3 o'clock, order a dozen Shirley Temples, and don't leave until their mum picks them up at 9!"

Mr. Bartholomey denied that extracting their vocal cords and leaving them to bleed violated human rights. "It was for the good of humanity!" he shouted as police subdued him. "If they wandered into your pub and started belting out "Yellow Submarine", you'd do the same, unless you're just not enough of a man!" (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – Concision

Concision (also called brevity, laconicism, crispness, briefness, succinctness, pithiness or compactness but not to be confused with terseness (which is concision to the point of rudeness) or sententiousness (which is concision in the service of pompous moralising, or sanctimonious lecturing)) is a writing principle (or doctrine of composition) which promotes the advantages of eliminating, removing or excising redundancy from prose, verse and other forms of expressive writing. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that ancient Sumerian Fitbit records show that their gods were in extremely good shape despite their heavy pizza consumption? (pictured)
... the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
... that he who hesitates is lost?
- ... but you should look before you leap?
... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown?
... the inventor of the Nobel Prize invented the Nobel Prize so he could get a Nobel Prize for his invention of the Nobel Prize?
... that the Michigan Firehouse Museum is home to the largest collection of fire truck bell hanger mounting rivets in the United States?
... the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?

Archive – Suggest new entries

In the news

Lost McCartney 'song' to sell at auction

Chinese Navy returns Harold Holt‎‎

Russian media challenges the UK to a Nuke-off

James Corden leaves the Late Late Show

Mick Shrimpton dead at 70

Mergers and Acquisitions
- Elon Musk to buy Mars (pictured)
- Zuckerberg to buy Musk

Bottoms bounced from bar

Australia creates a seventh state to combat Covid‎

EU postal services take on Putin

UnNews accused of underpaying staff

UnNews puts anti-suicide app on reporters' phones

Ketanji gets job offers from NFL ( listen)

Russia devises own Play Store

Paul McCartney joins the Sith

Russia sanctions Peppa Pig

UnNews Front Page

On this day

May 17: Day of the Exhausted Dog (Mongolia only)

0 - First Ninja Pirate born. He is easily confused with Jesus and ends up killing said Jesus and takes his place. He is worshipped in Christianity.
616 - Pope Eggs Benedict IV declares that Spain does not exist.
927 - The fucking Vikings do something really nasty, they create Norway.
1805 - Muhammed Ali becomes Waali of Egypt after knocking out rival Charlotte Brontë in the 8th round.
1849 - Millard Fillmore wins the Kentucky Derby with jockey Franklin Pierce in the irons.
1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play.
1975 - The year 1975 is misplaced in history.
1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I.
1927 - Everybody gets depressed, repressed or undressed.
1930 - First person ever born on this date is born on this date.
1935 - Prozac is invented, entering the market under the auspicious title World War II.
1982 - Pope John Paul II readmits Spain to existence, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry. The Anti-Pope George Ringo is not amused.
1986 - Ronald Reagan weeps publicly, after being called a 'nosey meddler' by Nicaraguans. Sandinistas lead GLOBAL COMMUNIST REVOLUTION resulting with complete annihilation of life. God reported to be 'alcoholic and whore-mongering'.
1993 - First use of the word LOL in recorded history.
2008 - With all the success of his book, James Madison takes a relaxing vacation in Purgatory, where there was much rejoicing!
2012 - The word LOL is finally added to the Oxford Dictionary, despite numerous protests from people such as Stephen Fry.

Today's featured picture

Oil Wells Of Our Fathers - coming soon to a theater near Texas.

Image credit: --VitalOD

Recent articles

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.

UnNews The news source on crack	Uncyclopedia The content-free encyclopedia	Undictionary The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes Where noisy things can live and prosper	Games Another way to waste time	HowTo Instructions and guides for anything and everything
UnBooks Content-free books	Unquotable Useless misquotes galore	Uncycloversity If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetia Poetry for people who hate poetry	UnDebate Debating all the irrelevant issues	UnScripts We can ruin stage and film too
Why? Don't make me explain it to you twice	UnReviews We'll tell you why things suck	UnBestiary Moo! Grrr! Narf! Harblesnock!
	UnCommons Broken media repository

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 36,745 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:

	Uncyclopedia English United Kingdom 32194	Desciclopédia Português Brazil 55644	アンサイクロペディア日本語 Japan 20675	Nonsensopedia Polski Poland 18266	Nonciclopedia Italiano Italy 14849
	Désencyclopédie Français France 10073	Inciclopedia Español Spain 5708	偽基百科正體中文 Taiwan 6652	Uncyclopedia.de Deutsch Germany 14	Hikipedia Suomi Finland 8002
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019.

Other Uncyclopedias

	백괴사전 한국어 South Korea 7103	ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย Thailand 3473	Pekepedia Tagalog Philippines 276	Bodohpedia Bahasa Melayu Malaysia 143	伪基百科汉语 Commie China 8411
	איןציקלופדיה עברית Israel 2224	קיינציקלאָפעדיע יידיש Yiddish 11	Tolololpedia Bahasa Indonesia Indonesia 8281	Ndhablek Basa Jawa Java 4	Goblogpedia Basa Sunda Sunda 4
	Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 873	اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 1329	نانشنامه فارسی Iran 594	ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 40	Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 0
	Spademanns Leksikon Dansk Denmark 9618	Ikkepedia Norsk Norway 4685	Ikkjepedia Norsk (nynorsk) Norway	Psyklopedin Svenska Sweden 2549	Անգրագ իտարան Հայերեն Armenia 26
	Valenciclopèdia Català Andorra 582	Nunyepedia Asturianu Asturias 56	Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 6213	Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 47	আনসাইক্ল োপিডিয়া বাংলা Bangladesh 19
	Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2853	Scotypedia Scots Scotland 9	Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 11	ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 10	Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 188
	Нециклопедија Српски Serbia 463	Neciklopedija Bosanski Bosnia 27	Neciklopediju Hrvatski Croatia 303	Butalopedija Slovenščina Slovenia 30	Википедија Македонски Macedonia 170
	Oncyclopedia Nederlands Holland 3082	Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 19	Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3971	Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1899	Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1776
	Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 258	Neciclopedie Română Romania 174	Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 84	Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1177	Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4303
	Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96	Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 158	Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 276	Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 4720	Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 12

Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on May 2, 2019.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.