PYONGYANG, North Korea -- A small nuclear exchange between the U.S. and North Korea has ended amicably.
Five minutes after the clock struck midnight in North Korea, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un was not only celebrating the New Year, but also his tenth year in power, shockingly slim, some say emaciated. He partied listening to the latest K-pop band, BTS, with lots of strippers. By the after-party, which began at 12:32am, Kim and his military advisers were drunker than an Aussie bogan on a Wednesday night — heedless to the increased effect of booze on Kim's slender physique.
The revelers got the notion to fill a nuclear missile with chocolate pudding, known to be a favorite of the man they call President "Tapioca" Joe Biden, and launch it to the United States as a gift. (more...)
Previously featured article – Kentucky
The Commonwealth of Kentucky is not a commonwealth at all, or even a wealth, but a state of the United States somewhat south of the Great Lakes region. It is a land of highs, such as the Appalachian Mountains; and lows, such as the Mississippi River. Between the highs and lows are an awful lot of middles, and nothing un-Common. (more...)
Did you know ...
- ... cows produce a significant part of the methane affecting global warming? And that embarrassed cows then attempted to hold in farts with inevitable results? (pictured)
- ... if the entire human race linked arms around the Earth, most of the population would drown?
- ... if you feed a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you feed a man to a fish, you go to jail?
- ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
- ... that Wikipedia tells us that Drypetes gerrardii, a South African tree, was named after William Gerrard, a botanical collector active in the 1860s?
- ... and it is a contest to see which of us could care less?
- ... that the Mayan colander was a drain on its civilization?
- ... coin collecting does not consist solely of walking into banks with a mask and a gun?
In the news
On this day
January 27: International Bring Your Exotic Pet or Exotic Dancer to Work Day
- 218 BCE - Hannibal Barca, travelling through Gaul, finds hotels refuse to allow his pet elephants in his rooms.
- 1066 - William of France accidentally distracts the English army with a line of his obsequious bowing servants mistaken for twerking women. Harold of England raises his visor to get a better look, with not-so-very-good results.
- 1313 - The Pope and King Charlemagne lead the first celebration of this holiday, followed by hundreds of pole dancers and strippers with griffons and dragons flying overhead.
- 1649 - Charles II restores poles and pole dancers to Parliament.
- 1776 - Thomas Jefferson, suffering from writer's block, brings his pet Negro Toby to work. Jeffy wakes up later in the day from a nap to discover that Toby has finished writing the remaining 96% of the Declaration of Independence. Jeffy promptly whips Toby and submits the Declaration to the Continental Congress the next day.
- 1945 - President Harry Truman let his Komodo dragon press the big red button, authorizing the use of nookz.
- 1947 - Mahatma Gandhi takes his pet rhinoceros to a rally. This scares the British into leaving India.
- 1959 - Keith Olbermann is born in New York. The hospital staff lets a doctor's pet Gila monster deliver Olbermann, only to have the animal kidnap Olbermann and raise him for the next 18 years. Thus the grown sportscaster would later join the reptile in its festering hatred for the Dodgers for leaving Brooklyn.
- 1984 - Winston Smith brings his parrot to work, only to have it arrested by the Thought Police for thoughtcrime. Doubleplus good!
- 2005 - Amir Khan brings his pet Shahrukh Khan to his film shoot. He says it is his lucky charm.
- 2010 - Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger die on the same day. They have a long-winded conversation about literature outside the Pearly Gates, boring and annoying everyone else in line.
- 2010 - Amitabh Bachchan brings Aishwarya Rai on a leash, marries her off to his son.
- 2011 - Aishwarya Rai bears a child who is put on leash too.