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Today's featured article – International Alphabet Magnet Day

International Alphabet Magnet Day is a national holiday dedicated to the promotion of alphabet magnets, which are usually found on the metal doors of refrigerators.

They certainly needed promotion; there is little one can do with a set of magnets that are utterly unable to spell out any word containing double letters or in fact any repetition. Young marrieds may leave one another a note such as love yu [sic] but they are otherwise next to useless. They are never original equipment shipped with any refrigerator.

The only reason any are sold in the aftermarket is that people need some sort of magnet to attach papers to the refrigerator door (as avocado-colored refrigerators were a fad that passed quickly and left unsightly appliances throughout the nation that now need covering). Alphabet magnets may give young marrieds with children the feeling they are "promoting literacy," though the magnets more often promote mispelng. Alphabet magnets come in a handful of colors, and any attempt to spell out words while keeping color in mind is even more contrived.

Critics call International Alphabet Magnet Day crass commercialism, of the sort that Hallmark Cards performs by inventing "holidays" like Stepsister-In-Law Day and rolling out a line of greeting cards for each one. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Pandemics

In our wheezing, sniffly, Covid world it can be difficult to recall that pandemics are nothing new. Waves of disease have sept across the world since the dawn of mankind, generally un-noted by history due to the insufficiently pale complexion of their victims. However, even Europe has not been left unaffected and the number of Belgians suffering from the crippling effects of ingrowing toenails has recently surpassed the global death toll of Dengue fever. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (pictured)
... that torture is better to give than to receive?
... that a rose by any other name would be called something else?
... that helium is found in natural underground deposits of thousands of party balloons of all colors and sizes?
... that in the dark, all cats are rather badly lit?
... that space is just a money-making scheme by NASA?
... turtles can run at top speeds of 87 miles per hour, but only in short bursts?

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On this day

October 16: Opening Day of Hunting Season for Mimes and Memes (United States)

6992 BC - Early people living in the Fertile Crescent struggle to come up with a meme using that term.
1804 - The first mime turns up in France.
1854 - Oxcart Wylde is born in Dublin, changing his name to Oscar Wilde at the same time the city changed its name to Bonoville. His writings would inspire generations of snarky fops and billions of Uncyclopedia editors making up quotes that Wilde would deprecate with a swing of his cane.
1862 - Mimes are used as couriers during the US Civil War. Most would be shot by frustrated generals trying to understand complicated messages.
1898 - Future clown Emmett Kelly is born. No one notices because he doesn't cry, not even his mother.
1914 - Mime hunting season, now known as World War I, is initiated to control the number of mimes in France.
1937 - Adolf Hitler poses for many photos and movies knowing full well he would appear in memes decades later to carry on the Thousand Year Reich.
1939 - The Phoney War is triggered by massed formations of Marcel Marceau look-alikes forming mime fields across the Franco-German border.
1954 - Hunting season opening day is first advertised by Marcel Marceau, a cat and Elmer Fudd with the first two alternately holding up signs reading "Mime Season" or "Meme Season".
1961 - Marcel Marceau finally makes his first appearance on TV. Millions call repairmen the next day to get their volume controls fixed.
1987 - The first known instance of rick-rolling occurs. Astley becomes a mime at the same time, causing confusion among his 42 admitted fans.
1988 - Garfield invents the phrase "Lotsa spaghetti", uses in the opening credits of his popular TV show. An angry Pastafarian in a green overcoat assassinates him days later.
2003 - PETA argues that the mime problem should be solved humanely, by imprisoning them in invisible boxes.
2004 - A disgruntled mime uses a .357 Magnum to "remove" any extra mimes in the area; he is promptly arrested. Apparently the mime wasn't using a silencer.
2005 - Despite being a senior citizen, Chuck Norris becomes an internet meme by not shaving and being used as the model for Ceiling Cat.
2006 - Vice President Dick Cheney shoots a mime in the face on a hunting "accident."
2007 - References to Oscar Wilde declared to be no longer funny by a majority of mimes.

Today's featured picture

Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

Image credit: Bonjo Nelson

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