People's Action Party

Prime Minister Lawrence Wong glad-handing his way to another victory for PAP

The People's Action Party (PAP) is the undisputed, eternal, and totally-not-a-dictatorship ruling party of Singapore, a city-state so shiny it makes mirrors jealous. Founded in 1954 by a group of Oxford-educated idealists who thought "efficiency" was a personality trait, the PAP has since transformed Singapore from a swampy trading post into a futuristic utopia where chewing gum is a felony and jaywalking is a cry for help. Known for its white-clad politicians and an obsession with "stability," the PAP has won every general election since Singapore’s independence in 1965, largely because they’ve mastered the art of making opposition parties sound like they’re auditioning for a comedy roast.

History

The PAP began as a scrappy coalition of lawyers, trade unionists, and people who really liked wearing white shirts. Led by Lee Kuan Yew, a man whose stare could make traffic lights turn green out of fear, the party promised to bring order to a chaotic post-colonial Singapore. Their early platform included affordable housing, clean streets, and a vague promise to "make everyone rich, but, like, in an orderly way." By 1959, they won their first election, mostly because their opponents were too busy arguing over whose turn it was to hold the megaphone.

The PAP’s rise to power was marked by their innovative Operation Sparkle, a covert plan to make Singapore so clean that tourists would feel guilty for breathing. This involved banning spitting, littering, and any form of fun that didn’t involve a spreadsheet. By the 1970s, the PAP had cemented its reputation as the party that could make a tropical island feel like a corporate boardroom. Their slogan, "Progress with PAP," was less a promise and more a polite reminder that there was no Plan B.

Ideology

Fire in a wok or bearing a striking similarity to the 'flash' logo as used by British Union of Fascists in the 1930s

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The PAP’s ideology is a unique blend of Confucianism, capitalism, and an unhealthy obsession with air conditioning. Officially, they describe themselves as "pragmatic," which is code for "we’ll do whatever works as long as it involves graphs and a 99.9% approval rating." Their core beliefs include:

• Meritocracy: Everyone gets a fair shot, as long as they score 95% or higher on their PSLE exams.

• Stability: Change is great, but only if it’s pre-approved by a 12-member committee and doesn’t disrupt MRT schedules.

• Economic Growth: Money grows on trees, but only if you water them with PhDs and foreign direct investment.

Critics argue the PAP’s ideology boils down to "do what we say, and nobody gets hurt," but supporters counter that it’s more like "do what we say, and you’ll get a nice HDB flat."