Sweden
Sweden IKEA Ikealand | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
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| Motto: Suck it, Denmark | |||||
| Anthem: A Cold Wind is Blowing Through the Fjords | |||||
 This map is a lame attempt at visual humor | |||||
| Capital | Stockholm | ||||
| Previous capital | Hell | ||||
| Largest city | Freeseweiner | ||||
| Demonym | Swedish, ja? | ||||
| Official language(s) | Swedish | ||||
| Government | Constitutional monarchy, Snow Parliament | ||||
| ‑ Knugen(King) | Björn Ulvaeus | ||||
| ‑ Prime Minister | Gudrun Scywoman | ||||
| ‑ Speaker of the Riksdag |
Anni-Frid Lyngstad | ||||
| ‑ Secretary of the Exchequer |
Agnetha Fältskog | ||||
| National hero(es) | ABBA | ||||
| Established | Mooo! | ||||
| Currency | Snow, bad taste | ||||
| Religion | What? | ||||
| Population | approx. 8 | ||||
| Area | Slightly larger than Finland | ||||
| Population density | 2/km2 | ||||
| Time Zone | UTC+0 | ||||
| Ethnic groups | Reindeer, snowbound psychotics | ||||
| Major exports | Surströmming | ||||
| Major imports | Snow | ||||
| National food | Meatballs | ||||
| Favorite Apple product | iBalls | ||||
| National animal | Yeti | ||||
| National sport(s) | Hockey, talking about hockey | ||||
| Hours of operation |
9:00 to 9:15 | ||||
| Internet TLD | .se | ||||
| Calling code | 12 | ||||
| Drives on | the sidewalk | ||||
Sweden, officially the Kingdom of Sweden, is the home of Swedish females. They have two blond legs, are well educated in Denmark and eat surströmming. Not to mention, that they are also famous for playing in adult movies.
History
After a devastating participation in the Battle of the Bulge, Sweden remained peaceful for some time. But when the Wars on Emotions broke out early in the 21st century, this country invented a new form of government called a Corporacracy, which means it is basically ruled by IKEA, McDonalds, and Volvo. They are slowly taking over the world and their Swiss chocolate really sucks. Their Swiss watches are also becoming disturbing popular, as are the Swede shoes after Elvis Presley sang about them.
"Sweden is to Mongolia as South Africa is to South Korea" - Winston Churchill
Geography
Sweden consists of two parts: The capital Stockholm and the country side. Stockholm is the home for the retarded, and the country side is the home for the ignorant.
All industry and agriculture in Sweden is located to places around the country. The economical, political and medial power is however located to Stockholm. This creates a perfect symbiosis. The outlines of this were sketched by Per Albin Hansson in the 1930's and have later been proven by the professor of sociology Nils Ängellby to be consistent with the best way of life, so long as it pays his salary.
Food
The Swedish traditional dish is meat balls made from polar bears and a kind of raw, rotten fish (surströmming). The tradition is said to have started when shipments of sushi from Japan were spoiled on its way to Sweden, but the polite and simple minded Swedes forced themselves to eat it, and of courtesy have been doing it ever since.
Politics
As a politically neutral entity, Sweden is not expected to maintain its high standard of living, nor sovereignty, for much longer. The reason is the advent of George W. Bush's "You're either with us or against us" foreign policy. Fox News says that everything will be fine and Operation Swedish Liberation will progress right on schedule.
Ruler
Sweden is ruled by the beautiful but helpless monarch Godrun Scywoman (originally Scyman; changed it after becoming feminist), sitting chained forever on her looking-glass throne. Belonging to the left wing, she requires to be freed by folks from the USA, who are reportedly underway after the recent reports of oil being found.
Practical power in Sweden is held by the evil Grand Vizier, Ingvar Kamprad, whose program of mental torture for the subjugation of the middle classes has been sold to America under the name IKEA.
Language
Swedish citizens only talk Bork, a strange and unique language which has been theorised to relate to that of the Ainu people of northern Japan. Recently a minority has been found speaking the Swedish language, but it is yet to be confirmed.
Humour
Sweden if famous for its humour. Some favourite Swedish jokes include
– Knöckke Knöckke
– Who is it?
– Sven
– Come in, Sven.
– How mäny Swedish people does it täke to chänge ä light bulb?
– One. Why do you äsk?
– Wäiter, there's ä fly in my soup
– I'm sorry sir. I shäll bring you änother one
– Knöckke Knöckke
– Who is it?
– Inge
– Come in, Inge. Sven is ålreädy here
Industry
Annually a large group minor foreigners are imported from Taiwan to make all the material used to make incomplete IKEA furniture. A group of minors from Korea have been imported to create the missing pieces which will eventually be exported to USA. Art therapy classes held at rehabilitation workshops for the deranged, bewildered and perverse are used to generate random diagrams that are included with all IKEA products. Some of these can be used to assemble IKEA furniture, but these are usually the assembly diagrams that come with IKEA crispbreads and cheeses.
IKEA diagrams have given rise to a psychiatric condition now known as flatpack rage.
Culture
Sweden is the home of Billy Ocean, who led the Austrian trio Abba to consecutive Eurovision Song Contest victories in 1966-67 when it was known as the European Cup.
A strong tradition of folk music pervades rural Sweden, with disparate subcultures such as clam music and rock music found in isolated pockets of the island.
Chronicle of Sweden
Wi not trei a holiday in Sweeden this yer ?
See the loveli lakes...
The wonderful telephone system...
And mani interesting furry animals.
Including the majestic moose.
A moose once bit my sister...
No realli! She was Karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end
of an interspace toothbrush given her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an
Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an Oslo
Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Molars of Horst Nordfink"...
Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti...
Creative Commons notice: The above is Copyright (c) The Monty Python team.
Traditions
Because of socialism there isn't much of a private economy in Sweden, so for Christmas the state assigns you your presents. What you get depends on your age, gender, number of sick days taken, whether you're a member of the "Swedish National People's Democratic Front Party" etc. It's tradition for the presents to be given out by someone dressed as "Big Brother", who is said to "know what you want better than yourself". Note that recipients are not exempt from the gift tax.
There is also a tradition called midsommar where Swedish people dance around a giant penis. A famous song to dance to on midsommar is "Små Grodorna" (little frogs).
Credits
| Special thanks | ||
| Moose Trained by | Yutte Hermsgervordenbrot | |
| Special Moose Effects | Olaf Prot | |
| Moose Costumes | Siggi Churchill | |
| Moose choreographed by | Horst Prot III | |
| Miss Taylor's Mooses by | Hengst Douglas-Home | |
| Moose trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by | Jurgan Wigg | |
| Mooses noses wiped by | Bjorn Irkestom-Slater | |
| Large moose on the left hand side of the screen in the third scene from the end, given a through grounding in Latin, French, and O level geography by | Bo Benn | |
| Suggestive poses for the moose suggested by | Vic Rotter | |
| Antler-care by | Liv Thatcher | |