Toothbrush
A toothbrush is a popular grooming device that is used to tidy up the long hairy strands of fungal growth that regularly feed on the leftover clumps of food found between one's teeth.
Plural[edit]
The plural of toothbrush is teethbrush. The commonly-used plural form toothbrushes is incorrect and is actually the name of a type of yak. In recent times the word tuthbri has been bullying it's way into the dialect of many of the lesser spoken peoples.
The Regular Ordinary Toothbrush[edit]
Originally, the toothbrush was just a bunch of stiff bristles fastened to the end of a small wooden stick. In 1066, a pointy rubber nub was attached to the other end, which serves no known useful purpose.
People influenced by teethbrish[edit]
WARNING! THE FOLLOWING THINGS MAY BE THE STUPIDEST THINGS YOU EVER READ.
“I find its lack of funny disturbing”
“I was just taken back by these nifty inventions”
“Yes I was also drawn into the craze by the other members, damn you matt”
“My weapon to conquer the world, it didn't work though”
“Yes and people thought that Lucy In the Sky with diamonds was weird ha ha!”
“Luke I am your toothbrush, I mean father”
“(Noooooooooo! WTF?”
“Well I did use a toilet plunger but in the end I gave up”
“I can't believe God brushes his teeth with the universe, no wait a minute)”
“It came from a very pure place...”
“Why the fuck did I just waste my time tidying this section?!?!?”
The Electrified Toothbrush[edit]
In August 1776, the famous inventor Benjamin Franklin tried to hook up his toothbrush to a vast interconnected network of Leyden jars during a particularly nasty Philadelphia snowstorm. Unfortunately, he had mistakenly connected the terminal leads backwards and ended up looking very silly.
It wasn't until 1876 that James Clerk Maxwell conclusively proved to a stunned world that an electrified toothbrush was totally incompatible with the laws of quantum electromagnetohydrodynamics and was therefore impossible. Maxwell then went on to use the same laws to prove the impossibility of quarks, atoms, teeth, Idaho, ball-peen hammers, and Bill Gates before some hired goons shot him already.
In 2002, The Electrified Toothbrush was rated Tenth Greatest Invention by National Geographic Magazine.
The Radioactive Toothbrush[edit]
Marie Curie made various less-known experiments in the field of dental care, and eventually devised the Gamma Toothbrush, which was not essentially a brush, but a powerful radiation source in jelly form to be smeared on the tongue. The idea was that this would essentially irradiate any bacteria on a person's teeth, but several problems still remained. The main problem was that radiation would, in addition to killing the bacteria, also kill any other living tissue it happened to come in contact with. To counter this, she tried to pour liquid lead down the throat of the patients, but this, she found, resulted in the patients choking(which admittedly took focus away from their dental problems). The project was abandoned for good when Marie Curie was finally eaten by a mutated bacteria the size of Northern Europe, emerging from a tooth she was trying to dissolve in jelly in a totally different experiment.
The Post-Modern Toothbrush[edit]
With the recent advent of Borg technology, the simple and effective toothbrush has been radically redesigned into millions of hideous ergonomic monstrosities constructed of space-age polymers which are now available in a bizarre array of painful radioactive colors which are far too scary to use in a normal dental hygiene regimen.
The Future Toothbrush[edit]
Evolutionists are convinced that today's hi-tech teethbrish will eventually evolve into a race of hyperintelligent gum massagers bent on the extermination of the last remnants of the American Dental Association.
The Magical Toothbrush[edit]
Created by enslaved goblins, the magical toothbrush is used by unicorns and fairies. It magically makes your teeth shine and repels fire-breathing dragons. However, all magical toothbrushes were lost when the unicorns and fairies were killed in World War II.
The War on Teethbrish[edit]
Recently, it has been discovered that teethbrish are making an attempt to conquer the world. A counter attack began on the 31st of September 2005. It seems almost unfortunate that the commanding toothbrush officer jumped out of a sink and died, even though the day before he had tortured young civilians to locate the whereabouts of McDonalds. However, stray teethbrish can effectively killed by application of bleach, which, on contact, makes them go pale and eat themselves, although why is unknown.
Yes, teethbrish get their own region of the brain. It is a Science Fact.
