Animal

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This unfit article should be immediately devoured by the much stronger
Pokemon,
because Charles Darwin would have wanted it that way.

“Watch out for that helicopter!”
~ Oscar Wilde on warning animals of Sarah Palin

The petting zoo is fun for all. Here, we see a llama who has come to pet the children. Careful, they might bite!

Now, we watch as the Prom Queen, A newly discovered species, goes to find her mate.

Animals (from the Latin Animalia - pre-processed meat) are classified by scientists as anything that you can skin and wear. According to ancient legend, most animals came from space and are atheists (they believe He is existent). Thereafter, people (elephants, gorillas and humans) kept them in rounded metallic spheres and summoned them forth to use special powers in order to battle with each other. When they wanted the animals to come out of their spheres, they would say "[Aadvark, Llama, etc], I choose you!" and throw the sphere to the ground. Eventually, after fighting a lot these animals would evolve, which became the basis for Darwin's theory of evolution that all animals are a type of pipe bomb.

Animals may also be used for eating.

Categorisation of animals[edit]

The first thing to be discerned by scientists among animals is the fact that animals have the same number of limbs as eyes; as in the case of spiders (scuttlearoundia), who have 8 legs, and 8 eyes. Also in the case of cats, who have 4 legs, and thus 4 eyes.

Secondly they are rated on levels of Furriness, Generality, Scuttlearoundability, and Edibility.
thirdly some animals can not be put into a category like some kind of dogs(Webster).Dogs like Webster are a mix of black lab,stuby,fat,and part ferrel pig this is Webster.

Animalia (furry animals)[edit]

Large cats have been scientifically proven to dream. Among the recurring themes are balls of yarn, mice, and half-blind overweight shackled oryx.

Class Fidolia (fetch!)[edit]

Stupid Small Brown Dogs
Big Dogs with Long Tongues
Old Dogs that Drool
Fat Farting Dogs
Dogs That "Yap Yap Yap" All Night Long
The Dog With Two Backs
Dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you
Dogs that look like they ran into a wall
Dogs that constantly chase their own tail

Class Miaowmiaowia (miaow)[edit]

Hidden Ninja Cats
Evil Cats
Cats that ignore you
Cats that like you (endangered)
Dead Cats
Cats With Lasers
Stupid cats

A great example of an animal

Class Mammalia (yo mamma lookslikia)[edit]

Pigs (Three Different Ones)
Pugs
Camels
Sperm
Whales
Bulldogs chewing wasps
Wasps chewing bulldogs
QUE LA COGIDA ES TU PROBLEMA?????

Class Shootitia (things to kill and eat)[edit]

Wabbits
Wascally Wabbits
Wicked Wascally Wabbits
Happy Tree Friends
Humans (they're animals too)

Class Yumyumia (things ready to eat)[edit]

Ham and Cheese Sandwiches
Breadsticks
Pizza
Burritos with beans
Flying cucumbers
Tom the Tomato
People

Class Tomandjerryia (cartoon animals)[edit]

Tomandjerry
Itchyandscratchy
Daffyandbugs
Donaldious
Mickeyus
Pinkyandthebrain
That weird one that looks like a horseios

Class Spookilicuddlia (furry furry animals)[edit]

Furrialia Mushtoomucia (virtual furries)
Furrialia Conventia (actual furries)
Furrialia Easterbunnisuitia (scary furries)
Furrialia Pornographicia (make-you-consider-changing-Classes furries)

Class Eaterus (Things that eat stuff and Stuff that eat things)[edit]

Class Partyius (Party animals)[edit]

this is just a subliminal message

Flyawaylia (things in the air)[edit]

Class Aves (birds)[edit]

Small Brown Birds
Ex-Parrots
Birds Flying in the Distance
Dead Parrot
Kookaburras
Those big birds that grab small furry things off the ground and rip them apart with their talons
Chicken
Roast Chicken
Chicken Drumsticks
Chicken McSandwich
Chicken McNuggets
Chicken McChicken, on bread
Chicken wings
do'h do'h birds
Bhurd, bhurd, bhurd! Bhurd is the whurd!
Emus, who constantly try futile attempts to fly

Class Whizzaroundia (flying buzzing crapping on your food)[edit]

Bluebottles, Greenbottles, Redbottles
Horseflies
Iaintneverseenanelephantflies
Kamikazi Watermelons
George; The mysterious flying monkey (with a knife)
Flying cucumbers (with George the mysterious flying monkey with a knife riding it)

Class Galeaei (hats)[edit]

Big floppy hats with Ostrich feathers
Pith Helmets with Chicken feathers
Daft little box hats with a bit of gauze and a small blue feather
Hats made of nothing but feathers
Viking Helmets with gigantic horns that can impale you just by looking at them.\
Abraham Lincoln's hat

Peopleia (people generally)[edit]

The race of generally stupid hairless apes that whenever something intelligent is found it is seen as heresy.

Class Spontania (women)[edit]

Good looking girls (endangered)
Ugly women
Girls who shouldn't be there when your wife gets home
Sports Illustrated Girls
Your Mom (hunting season)

Subclass Irritatia (wimmin)[edit]

Feminists
Peace campaigners
Women in dungarees
Hairy women (of all kinds)
Vicky T
Popushi mi kurac majmune! Razumijes li me razumijes!

Class Allthesameia (men)[edit]

Blokes, guys, chaps, geezers, men, all your mates
Pizza delivery boys
Barmen
Indians
Mick Jagger
Michael Caine
Douchebags

Genitalia (Gentlemen)[edit]

Class Kingii (kings)[edit]

King Edward
King Henry VIII
Stephen King
King-Size Matress
King Kong
Burger King
Larry King
King of Kensington
King Harkinian
King Cobra
Jerry Lawler
King of the Hill

Wailywailia (things that make you go 'ooo' or 'eek')[edit]

Class Amphibia (slimy pond life)[edit]

Salamanders
Frogs and Toads
Newt Gingrich
also Vicky T

Class Scuttlearoundia (anything with too many legs)[edit]

Spiders
Spiders in the bath
Spiders that hide in your bed sheets
Spiders on the stairs at night
Spiders in the garage or shed
Big furry spiders
Small running-around-fast spiders
Evil jumping spiders
Zombie venom spiders
Spider monkies
Spiders that are dead but like to make you think they're still alive
Spiders with really small bodies, and really long legs
Creepy things under stones
Slipper Scorpions
Millipedes
flying millipedes
flying millipedes that have laser blasters as eyes
Centipedes
Googlepedes
Wikipedes
Quintatripazillaomgthatsalotoflegsipedes
Infinitypedes
Infinity+1pedes
You
Jo Momma
Eight-leggeed chickens
Your dinner. (Mmm, taste like kangaroo! )
Spiders named Curt not Kurt

Class Slitheria (things with no legs at all that don't look right)[edit]

Motherfuggin' Snakes on motherfuggin' plane!
Bed Snakes
Trouser Snakes
Snakes that come up from the toilet and bite your ass
Sea cucumbers
Apple Slugs
Invisible jellyfish floating behind you in the sea with long tentacles around your legs
A monkey with its arms and legs chopped off
A monkey with its arms and legs chopped off in a clown suit
A Stonefish (with explosive spine attachment)

Class Jacksonii (bony white things)[edit]

Slipguncia (Blobs of squishy stuff)[edit]

Class Atkinsia (White squishy stuff)[edit]

Lard
Gum
Semen
Your mom
Pillsbury Dough Boy
Rosie O'Donnel

Class Snottia (Scum)[edit]

Pond scum
Mildew
Algae
Riff-raff
You

Class Plasticia (Man-made)[edit]

Silly Putty
Peanut butter
Melted Snickers
Michael Jackson
Paris Hilton (endangered and captured)
You guess. It's what you've wanted to hear all throughout this phylum. Squishy...
Jello

Animals that don't exist (yet)[edit]

Unicorns definitely exist. This is a list of animals who don't exist because they currently don't have pages on Uncyclopedia, or their pages were huffed into extinction. Fortunately, you can help by creating/recreating pages for them so they can exist here.

External links[edit]