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Evolutionism-recursion.jpg This unfit article should be immediately devoured by the much stronger
because Charles Darwin would have wanted it that way.

“Watch out for that helicopter!”

~ Oscar Wilde on warning animals of Sarah Palin

The petting zoo is fun for all. Here, we see a llama who has come to pet the children. Careful, they might bite!
Now, we watch as the Prom Queen, A newly discovered species, goes to find her mate.

Animals (from the Latin Animalia - pre-processed meat) are classified by scientists as anything that you can skin and wear. According to ancient legend, most animals came from space and are atheists (they believe He is existent). Thereafter, people (elephants, gorillas and humans) kept them in rounded metallic spheres and summoned them forth to use special powers in order to battle with each other. When they wanted the animals to come out of their spheres, they would say "[Aadvark, Llama, etc], I choose you!" and throw the sphere to the ground. Eventually, after fighting a lot these animals would evolve, which became the basis for Darwin's theory of evolution that all animals are a type of pipe bomb.

Animals may also be used for eating.

Categorisation of animals[edit]

  • The first thing to be discerned by scientists among animals is the fact that animals have the same number of limbs as eyes; as in the case of spiders (scuttlearoundia), who have 8 legs, and 8 eyes. Also in the case of cats, who have 4 legs, and thus 4 eyes.
  • Secondly they are rated on levels of Furriness, Generality, Scuttlearoundability, and Edibility.
  • thirdly some animals can not be put into a category like some kind of dogs(Webster).Dogs like Webster are a mix of black lab,stuby,fat,and part ferrel pig this is Webster.

Animalia (furry animals)[edit]

Large cats have been scientifically proven to dream. Among the recurring themes are balls of yarn, mice, and half-blind overweight shackled oryx.

Class Fidolia (fetch!)[edit]

  • Stupid Small Brown Dogs
  • Big Dogs with Long Tongues
  • Old Dogs that Drool
  • Fat Farting Dogs
  • Dogs That "Yap Yap Yap" All Night Long
  • The Dog With Two Backs
  • Dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you
  • Dogs that look like they ran into a wall
  • Dogs that constantly chase their own tail

Class Miaowmiaowia (miaow)[edit]

A great example of an animal

Class Mammalia (yo mamma lookslikia)[edit]

Class Shootitia (things to kill and eat)[edit]

Class Yumyumia (things ready to eat)[edit]

Class Tomandjerryia (cartoon animals)[edit]

Class Spookilicuddlia (furry furry animals)[edit]

  • Furrialia Mushtoomucia (virtual furries)
  • Furrialia Conventia (actual furries)
  • Furrialia Easterbunnisuitia (scary furries)
  • Furrialia Pornographicia (make-you-consider-changing-Classes furries)

Class Eaterus (Things that eat stuff and Stuff that eat things)[edit]

Class Partyius (Party animals)[edit]

Coolkangaroo.jpg Dogdrinkingfromtoilet.jpg Dancingdog.jpg

this is just a subliminal message

Flyawaylia (things in the air)[edit]

Class Aves (birds)[edit]

Class Whizzaroundia (flying buzzing crapping on your food)[edit]

  • Bluebottles, Greenbottles, Redbottles
  • Horseflies
  • Iaintneverseenanelephantflies
  • Kamikazi Watermelons
  • George; The mysterious flying monkey (with a knife)
  • Flying cucumbers (with George the mysterious flying monkey with a knife riding it)

Class Galeaei (hats)[edit]

  • Big floppy hats with Ostrich feathers
  • Pith Helmets with Chicken feathers
  • Daft little box hats with a bit of gauze and a small blue feather
  • Hats made of nothing but feathers
  • Viking Helmets with gigantic horns that can impale you just by looking at them.\
  • Abraham Lincoln's hat

Peopleia (people generally)[edit]

The race of generally stupid hairless apes that whenever something intelligent is found it is seen as heresy.

Class Spontania (women)[edit]

  • Good looking girls (endangered)
  • Ugly women
  • Girls who shouldn't be there when your wife gets home
  • Sports Illustrated Girls
  • Your Mom (hunting season)

Subclass Irritatia (wimmin)[edit]

  • Feminists
  • Peace campaigners
  • Women in dungarees
  • Hairy women (of all kinds)
  • Vicky T
  • Popushi mi kurac majmune! Razumijes li me razumijes!

Class Allthesameia (men)[edit]

Genitalia (Gentlemen)[edit]

Class Kingii (kings)[edit]

Wailywailia (things that make you go 'ooo' or 'eek')[edit]

Class Amphibia (slimy pond life)[edit]

Class Scuttlearoundia (anything with too many legs)[edit]

  • Spiders
  • Spiders in the bath
  • Spiders that hide in your bed sheets
  • Spiders on the stairs at night
  • Spiders in the garage or shed
  • Big furry spiders
  • Small running-around-fast spiders
  • Evil jumping spiders
  • Zombie venom spiders
  • Spider monkies
  • Spiders that are dead but like to make you think they're still alive
  • Spiders with really small bodies, and really long legs
  • Creepy things under stones
  • Slipper Scorpions
  • Millipedes
  • flying millipedes
  • flying millipedes that have laser blasters as eyes
  • Centipedes
  • Googlepedes
  • Wikipedes
  • Quintatripazillaomgthatsalotoflegsipedes
  • Infinitypedes
  • Infinity+1pedes
  • You
  • Jo Momma
  • Eight-leggeed chickens
  • Your dinner. (Mmm, taste like kangaroo! )
  • Spiders named Curt not Kurt

Class Slitheria (things with no legs at all that don't look right)[edit]

  • Motherfuggin' Snakes on motherfuggin' plane!
  • Bed Snakes
  • Trouser Snakes
  • Snakes that come up from the toilet and bite your ass
  • Sea cucumbers
  • Apple Slugs
  • Invisible jellyfish floating behind you in the sea with long tentacles around your legs
  • A monkey with its arms and legs chopped off
  • A monkey with its arms and legs chopped off in a clown suit
  • A Stonefish (with explosive spine attachment)

Class Jacksonii (bony white things)[edit]

Slipguncia (Blobs of squishy stuff)[edit]

Class Atkinsia (White squishy stuff)[edit]

Class Snottia (Scum)[edit]

  • Pond scum
  • Mildew
  • Algae
  • Riff-raff
  • You

Class Plasticia (Man-made)[edit]

Animals that don't exist (yet)[edit]

Unicorns definitely exist. This is a list of animals who don't exist because they currently don't have pages on Uncyclopedia, or their pages were huffed into extinction. Fortunately, you can help by creating/recreating pages for them so they can exist here.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]