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Today's featured article – Mark Levin

Mark Reed Levin (born September 21, 1957) is an American talk radio personality, host of The Mark Levin Show as well as a television show on Fox News. He has also written seven books. He specializes in current events, constitutional analysis authentic enough to make Wikipedia call it "incendiary," and his signature civil response to participants, including to adversaries he often invites to phone the show. And if you have a problem with that, buster, you can get the hell out of my article, you big dummy.

He has been described as "right-wing" by rational statesmen like Mitt Romney and has occasionally insinuated that some in the Republican Party are not enamored of Republican policies but are "Republican In Name Only" (RINO). (more...)

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Previously featured article – Bunsen burner

A Bunsen burner is a flamethrower that has been bent so the nozzle faces upward. It is noticeably lighter than a military flamethrower. Bunsen burners are primarily gas-powered, with the exception of the Tesla coil. Bunsen burners are the weapon of choice in high-school chemistry labs. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (pictured)
... that nihilists believe that life is like a box of chocolates?
- ... and that it is a Whitman Sampler that has been sitting on the shelf for too long?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that since many hands make light work, workers at nuclear power plants are encouraged to grow extras?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... water has been found on the surface of Mars?
... Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? YOU HAVE THE UNCONTROLLABLE URGE TO PUT A PANCAKE ON YOUR HEAD

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Ohio city goes to the dogs

NE Patriots go "Judon-frei"

Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎

Starmer wins British general election

Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear

Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎

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On this day

The End Is Near!

January 11: Fear of the Apocalypse Day, Guacamole/Whack-a-Mole Confusion Day

3000 BCE - God vows to destroy the Earth, possibly while drunk.
1834 BCE - Shamans kill a porcupine to determine if it is indeed the end of the world. Instead, with their hands full of quills, they determine it is the end of killing porcupines.
50 BCE - World is still not ended yet, with most everyone waiting with bated breath. As some people don't understand exactly what that is, they fail to brush in the morning and wait with bad breath.
34 - The end is near! But which end? And how near?
184 - The end is near! However, it is narrowly averted when the end fails to make a left at Albuquerque and gets lost.
1386 - Maybe the end is next week?
1862 - Mexican forces defeat a superior force of French moles outside Guerrero. By leaving out bowls of guacamole, half the French forces are tricked into go back to their headquarters for chips. Mexican cavalry then attacked with mallets, winning many prize tickets.
1967 - The Doors release the song The End but fail to trigger the Apocalypse. Most people instead up waiting for The End to end.
1979 - The movie Apocalypse Now fails to kick off the end of the world.
2004 - The Whack-a-Mole arcade game is introduced. Plastic moles equipped with high-intensity lasers fight back against a player armed with a mallet. It proves to be unpopular except in pizza joints where the burning smell from the game is covered up by the odor of burnt pizza.
2006 - The TV series Crocodile Whisperer debuts. The show garners high ratings when the animal expert is attacked and eaten after being distracted by Steve Irwin waving hello.
2016 - A woman runs for President. A woman loses the election because she has a husband that most people dislike.
2018 - Two words: Avocado toast.
2020 - The first of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse arrives. Most people spend most of their time indoors in pandemic related isolation. Nobody can agree on who or what is to blame. As a result, this year is best described as "2020 hindsight".

2026 - The end happens. Critics call it underwhelming with Rotten Tomatoes giving it a 42% rating.
2050 - The Anti-Christ shows up....for the 50th time. The dooms-dayers show up with signs....for the 5 billionth time. Too bad they are all too late for the party.

Today's featured picture

The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.

Image credit: Mosquitopsu

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