Dubnium
| ||||||
| General | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Name | Dubnium | |||||
| Symbol | Db | |||||
| Number | 105 | |||||
| Physical Properties | ||||||
| Melting point | Unknown °C, or maybe Unknown °F | |||||
| Boiling point | 2204 °C, or maybe 2204 °F | |||||
| Flavor | Great | |||||
| Appearance | Rare, and brief | |||||
Dubnium (also known as Rapperdium and badly dubbed spaghetti westerns) is an artificial chemical element invented in the old Soviet Union. It is highly radioactive, and gives you a distinctive glow if you spend too much time in its company.[1] The Russians invented dubnium to undermine the American music scene so as to make it unlistenable. Their invention resulted in the popularity of dubstep. Dubnium was also picked up by Italian directors looking to market their films internationally. Because this hit-and-miss process is more miss than hit, the Italians eventually changed their methods of movie-making.
Dubnious discovery[edit]
Soviet scientists claimed they found dubnium inside Lenin's tomb in 1968. They called it 'Leninium', but scientists in the West said what they found was Element 105, a metal heavier than Plutonium and on par with Black Sabbath. The American scientists refused to call it 'Leninium' and proposed their own patriotic alternative, Jeffersonium. The Europeans, caught in the middle, made a nuclear joke and called the new element hahahonium. This inability to agree on a name worldwide confounded new research on dubnium.
Music[edit]
The radioactive element found other uses with rap artists looking to extend their musical reach. They came up with dubstep in honour of the Russians, who by then had dropped all reference to Leninium as the Soviet Union creaked and cracked. In the spirit of glasnost, the dubstars suggested dubnium was the more neutral term. Eastern European official A. Dubček made dubnium a signature part of his Prague Spring rock extravaganza. The Europeans quicky adopted it and dropped their generic Element 105. The Americans held out for Jeffersonium until 1973, when Jefferson Airplane became Jefferson Starship and the entire nation was confused, or stoned. Starship itself was using dubs of sci-fi sound effects. Consequently, dubnium was all the rage.
In popular culture[edit]
Dubnium tried repeatedly to make incursions into the popular psyche, but the results were always a pratfall:
- Dubble Bubble chewing gum originally had dubnium as a key ingredient, much as Coca-Cola had embraced cocaine. In the early days, the brand was pronounced DOOB-el BOOB-el. Sadly, the element's rapid breakdown into more stable heavy-metal isotopes gave the gum excessive crunch.
- Fred Flintstone's signature call was originally "Yabba-dabba-doob", a phonetic nod to dubnium. This version was modified into the more familiar rendition at the demand of studio executives who were averse to alliteration, and often illiterate.
- Seventies rock band The Doobie Brothers adopted their name from their habit of huffing hot dubnium before every show.
References[edit]
- ↑ Only, you can't, because it has a half-life of under a minute.
| H | | He | |||||||||||||||
| Li | Be | | B | C | N | O | F | Ne | |||||||||
| Na | Mg | | Al | Si | P | S | Cl | Ar | |||||||||
| K | Ca | Sc | Ti | V | Cr | Mn | Fe | Co | Ni | Cu | Zn | Ga | Ge | As | Se | Br | Kr |
| Rb | Sr | Y | Zr | Nb | Mo | Tc | Ru | Rh | Pd | Ag | Cd | In | Sn | Sb | Te | I | Xe |
| Cs | Ba | Lu | Hf | Ta | W | Re | Os | Ir | Pt | Au | Hg | Tl | Pb | Bi | Po | At | Rn |
| Fr | Ra | Lr | Rf | Db | Sg | Bh | Hs | Mt | Ds | Rg | Cn | Nh | Fl | Mc | Lm | Ts | Og |
| | |||||||||||||||||
| La | Ce | Pr | Nd | Pm | Sm | Eu | Gd | Tb | Dy | Ho | Er | Tm | Yb | ||||
| Ac | Th | Pa | U | Np | Pu | Am | Cm | Bk | Cf | Es | Fm | Md | No | ||||