Manganese
Manganese is a chemical element popular with teenage boys who are fans of Japanese cartoon schoolgirls with saucer-size eyes, blouse-bursting breasts, and long, swishy ponytails. Their masturbatory fantasies have decimated their fertility levels. The near-impossibility of finding women who match these requirements has led to school massacres around the world by armed nerds looking to publicise their plight.
Named after the manga comic format, the Manganese have spread worldwide. They can be found from San Francisco to Toronto, spreading like a skin infection and metastasizing through society in general. The Manganese influence can be seen in Japanese robotics where all the models on display look like the perfect manga women. It is likely that Artificial Intelligence will merge pornography and reality, at which point all women will look like Scarlett Johansson and men, an ultra-thin David Bowie.
Where to find it[edit]
The greatest deposits of raw Manga can be found near Tokyo. It began to be mined after the end of the Second World War with Japan flat on its back, taking a long post-imperial coital break after the exertions of trying to forcibly mate with Asia.
Because of the shortage of colour ink, the first manga were only black-and-white. As its popularity grew in the 1960s, colour was introduced. This led to a boom in the production of manga for markets outside Japan. It became one of the biggest Japanese exports, after cars, radios and televisions.
Many Westerners arrived in Japan to learn to exploit this raw resource. They tried to copy it and produce their own versions of manga back home, where they became known as 'the Manganese'. In 1980, English one-hit wonders The Vapors [sic] released "Turning Manganese". It enjoyed heavy rotation on MTV before the band rotated out of the music business and began mining the ore themselves.
Other uses[edit]
The Manganese believe that they are the future of artifical intelligence. Then people won't have to worry about declining birth rates. We will be auto-hybrids.
See also[edit]
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