Holmium
Ho-ium (formerly Whorium) is by some definitions the most reactive of all elements, its couplings with atoms of the opposite sex being frequent (up to eight partners in a single evening) but brief, unsatisfying and followed by deep remorse on behalf of the rejected atoms (or Johns).
Ho-ium is found in a number of different guises (or allotropes), most commonly in high heels and micro-skirts, on its knees in the alleyway behind downtown bars. It is possible to buy Ho-ium but most researchers prefer to rent a sample by the hour, transporting it to cheap motels under cover of darkness. Disagreements over the correct rental fee frequently results in these samples of Ho-ium being buried under a pile of leaves in densely wooded areas. Ho-ium may on occasions form into dense clumps of atoms called Brothels, often presided over by an older, semi-retired Hoium atom known as the Madam.
Ho-ium is found all over the world but particularly dense deposits are found in the Philippines and especially Thailand where an exotic isotope (Ladyboyium) with additional parts is readily available. Particularly successful Ho-ium atoms appear to shun the company of their peers, being attracted by an unexplained force to the wallets of elderly businessmen. Through an unspecified pathway of alpha and gamma decay these atoms regularly transmute themselves into a new element, Wife-ium, and shortly (via Beta decay) into Widowium. Apocryphal evidence suggest that re-transformation into Ho-ium usually follows shortly thereafter.
| H | | He | |||||||||||||||
| Li | Be | | B | C | N | O | F | Ne | |||||||||
| Na | Mg | | Al | Si | P | S | Cl | Ar | |||||||||
| K | Ca | Sc | Ti | V | Cr | Mn | Fe | Co | Ni | Cu | Zn | Ga | Ge | As | Se | Br | Kr |
| Rb | Sr | Y | Zr | Nb | Mo | Tc | Ru | Rh | Pd | Ag | Cd | In | Sn | Sb | Te | I | Xe |
| Cs | Ba | Lu | Hf | Ta | W | Re | Os | Ir | Pt | Au | Hg | Tl | Pb | Bi | Po | At | Rn |
| Fr | Ra | Lr | Rf | Db | Sg | Bh | Hs | Mt | Ds | Rg | Cn | Nh | Fl | Mc | Lm | Ts | Og |
| | |||||||||||||||||
| La | Ce | Pr | Nd | Pm | Sm | Eu | Gd | Tb | Dy | Ho | Er | Tm | Yb | ||||
| Ac | Th | Pa | U | Np | Pu | Am | Cm | Bk | Cf | Es | Fm | Md | No | ||||