Praseodymium

Victim of bad Pr poisoning: A Ratners Gold ear-stud preserved at the V&A museum, London.

Little is known for sure about Element 59 (PR or Falsehoodium) due to persistent spin-doctoring by its discoverer, Dr Alistair Campbell of Burnley University, 1997. Pr is certainly unusual as it is known to be the only element unaffected by either Gravity or Magnetism, being prepared to swear the Up is Down and that North is South. It seems likely that this physical uncertainty extends into the realms of electromagnetic radiation as Pr appears to also be unaffected by light and cannot regularly distinguish between night and day.

Commercially, Pr is of great importance to manufacturing industries which are reputedly willing to spend hundreds of millions of dollars annually on Pr in the hope of unconvincing the naive to spend £1.20 on a can of sugary water, $250 dollars on sneakers or to elect semi-literate baboons to high office.

1991 saw the discovery of a previously unknown isotope of the element, known in the popular press as “Bad Pr”. Cheap and cheerful British jewellers chain, Ratners, had shifted production of its popular costume jewellery from 9 ct Gold to the cheaper Pr but an unknown side-effect of ingestion caused CEO, Gerald Ratner, to announce that their ear-rings were:

“ "cheaper than an M&S prawn sandwich because they wouldn't last as long" ”

and that

“ “We also do cut-glass sherry decanters complete with six glasses on a silver-plated tray that your butler can serve you drinks on, all for £4.95. People say, "How can you sell this for such a low price?", I say, "because it's total crap.” ”

Ratners the Jewellers was declared bankrupt in 1992.

References

Periodic table of the elements

H

​

He

Li

Be

​

B

C

N

O

F

Ne

Na

Mg

​

Al

Si

P

S

Cl

Ar

K

Ca

Sc

Ti

V

Cr

Mn

Fe

Co

Ni

Cu

Zn

Ga

Ge

As

Se

Br

Kr

Rb

Sr

Y

Zr

Nb

Mo

Tc

Ru

Rh

Pd

Ag

Cd

In

Sn

Sb

Te

I

Xe

Cs

Ba

Lu

Hf

Ta

W

Re

Os

Ir

Pt

Au

Hg

Tl

Pb

Bi

Po

At

Rn

Fr

Ra

Lr

Rf

Db

Sg

Bh

Hs

Mt

Ds

Rg

Cn

Nh

Fl

Mc

Lm

Ts

Og

​

La

Ce

Pr

Nd

Pm

Sm

Eu

Gd

Tb

Dy

Ho

Er

Tm

Yb

Ac

Th

Pa

U

Np

Pu

Am

Cm

Bk

Cf

Es

Fm

Md

No

Compounds: Idiotic Table • Canadian Table • Euclid's Elements • Noble gases • Unununium • Unobtanium