Oganesson

A diagram of oganesson. Since there are 118 small balls, this element is element 118.

“WE DID IT!!! A NEW ELE- Oh wait, it already decayed. Never mind.”

~ Scientists at Joint Institute for Nuclear Research (JINR) after first synthesizing Oganesson, circa 2002

Oganesson is a stupid element, just like Francium. It is a synthetic element with an atomic number of 118. Its symbol is Og, since it is an epic OG gangsta (#420BlazeItAllDayEveryDay #SWAG4LIFE #MLG). It is named after Yuri Oganessian, who was also the first person to confirm its existence. Oganessian's colleagues regard him as a complete narcissist. It is a stupid element because its only known isotope, oganesson-294, has a half-life of 0.7 microseconds (0.0000007 seconds), which is at least longer than this author's husband lasts in bed.

It has no applications in everyday life, since it barely even exists. Imagine a refrigerator that instantly explodes in your face when you want to grab a light snack. Actually, it would have exploded in the factory before you even bought it.

Oganesson is part of the 18th group of the periodic table (the noble gases), but it is not noble, nor a gas. It's simply there because it has filled up its entire last orbit with electrons. It's actually the complete opposite of a noble gas, because while noble gases are known as beacons of stability, oganesson isn't any of that.<ref>Move your eyes, finger or cursor slightly up to learn more about this, again.<ref> This reinforces the element's stupidity, since it somehow tries to LARP being a noble gas.

Oganesson is the heaviest known element, but scientists have hypothesized that heavier elements exist, even less noble and existing for even shorter intervals. The lightest of these elements, element number 119, is called ununennium. This is because searching for heavier elements is an endless, sisiphyan task that will just waste money and time. Besides, the periodic table is perfectly filled right now and is at a perfect stopping point.

References

Periodic table of the elements

H

​

He

Li

Be

​

B

C

N

O

F

Ne

Na

Mg

​

Al

Si

P

S

Cl

Ar

K

Ca

Sc

Ti

V

Cr

Mn

Fe

Co

Ni

Cu

Zn

Ga

Ge

As

Se

Br

Kr

Rb

Sr

Y

Zr

Nb

Mo

Tc

Ru

Rh

Pd

Ag

Cd

In

Sn

Sb

Te

I

Xe

Cs

Ba

Lu

Hf

Ta

W

Re

Os

Ir

Pt

Au

Hg

Tl

Pb

Bi

Po

At

Rn

Fr

Ra

Lr

Rf

Db

Sg

Bh

Hs

Mt

Ds

Rg

Cn

Nh

Fl

Mc

Lm

Ts

Og

​

La

Ce

Pr

Nd

Pm

Sm

Eu

Gd

Tb

Dy

Ho

Er

Tm

Yb

Ac

Th

Pa

U

Np

Pu

Am

Cm

Bk

Cf

Es

Fm

Md

No

Compounds: Idiotic Table • Canadian Table • Euclid's Elements • Noble gases • Unununium • Unobtanium