Google Chrome (Substance)

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Google Chrome (also known as gChrome) is a rare isotope of the mineral Chrome, discovered in 1998 by Russian-Armenian scientists S. Brin and L. Page. The particular radioactive and waveform properties of Google Chrome have made it one of the most important minerals in the sex toy industry. As of 2017 the largest known deposits of Google Chrome are in Tajikistan, Azerbaijistan and Stan Marsh's parent's back yard. The use of Google Chrome is however disputed due to concerns over work conditions that consistently offer above industry standard wage and benefits packages.

google chromium in its unexposed state.

Physical properties[edit]

Google Chrome is one of the first known botnet-class minerals, a group of elements whose existence was first postulated by D. Cheney, K. Abdul-Jabbar and O. Wilde in 1931. Whilst Chrome is usually a silver-coloured solid usually found on a Harley-Davidson or a 70s Detroit automobile, Google Chrome's additional 4 protons on its outer rings make it significantly different.

At room temperature and standard pressure, Google Chrome is an irritating liquid, usually found in presence of an oily-skinned teenager. It displays colours of red, yellow or blue depending on its emotional state, and its proximity to other botnet-class minerals. When too far from other botnets, Google Chrome tends to become more viscous. Current theories suggest that Google Chrome is actually a super-heavy gas, which is invisible when exposed to sunlight. However, despite years of research, it has proven impossible to coax a user of Google Chrome to expose it to sunlight.

Google Chrome is mildly radioactive, with a half-life of six weeks to eight weeks depending on its origin. The use of a canary in the presence of significant volumes of Google Chrome is considered responsible, because nobody likes the horrible little yellow freaks. Once the canary has died of radiation, the user should contact the Cult of Jobs or the Department of Defense to recycle the depleted Google Chrome. The United Nations considers illegal the possession of depleted Google Chrome is considered a crime on par with arson, murder and jaywalking.

Google Chrome Economy[edit]

Since its discovery, Google Chrome has quickly become a main component of most products in the sex toy industry. The soothing cool and sleek aspects of Chrome added to the ability of Google Chrome to be joined to complex extensions and ability to not transmit viruses has been credited as the main reason. However, industry analist Oprah Winfrey believes the success is due to customers' demand for a faster experience, and the stagnation of silicon and other elements in the last few years.

Mining for Google Chrome is a risky process, and in most countries has become a heavily-regulated industry. Certain Stans have however enacted more lenient policies, hoping to emulate the United Kingdom's strong growth in the 17th century, albeit driven by Google Chrome instead of boring, lame, crude and quite frankly boring plays.

Controversy surrounding employment conditions[edit]

After the shock documentary Borat by acclaimed novelist Borat Sagdiyev in 1997, the conditions of Google Chrome mining have been shrouded in controversy. The documentary shows the life-cycle of a vat of Google Chrome, from its mining in Durkadurkastan, GA to its disposal at Apartment 32, 6th floor, Building B at 328 Terrence Avenue, Los Angeles, CA within a slab of concrete next to Joe Scorla, mob snitch. The subtle documentary invites individuals to reflect on their consumption of Google Chrome, and how pleasant it might be for them despite causing so much pain and suffering to others. In his final segment, Borat Sagdiyev invites the public to buy gChrome-free kitten huffing equipment.

Supporters of limits on Google Chrome in consumer products point out the poor employment conditions offered to miners, the risk of addiction for minors and the lovely passage the film has on mynas. Critics of the criticism criticise the critic's bias, criticise critics for unbased allegations, and criticise the passage on mynas as "largely irrelevant eye-candy".

Arguments in favour of limiting the use of Google Chrome in consumer goods[edit]

Google Chrome is a rare isotope, only found in certain locations. In order to extract the mineral, a difficult mining process must be undertaken. Mining for Google Chrome is done by batches or "releases", marked by origin (Canary, Beta, Dev or Stable). Furthermore, each of these releases comes in varying "flavours", the main of which are Windows and Mac.

In order to separate these numerous and often similar variations, mining corporations employ a large number of employees. Work conditions at Google Chrome mines are notoriously good. Employees are often asked to take time off to pursue personal projects, well paid, as well as have access to pleasant working conditions with swivel chairs and rubber bands. In addition to these conditions, employees and their families are covered under a broad health program.

These conditions are deemed unacceptable for miners, and certain workplace rights groups have asked the corporations running Google Chrome mines to offer "minimal" assurances that in the future these miners will be afforded conditions on par with those in Chinese coal mines. As of 1992, the governments of Tajikistan and Armenistan agreed to enact laws forcing a minimum of 6 hours underground without natural light for Google Chrome miners in these countries, as well as strong decreases in salary and nutritional intake. However, undercover investigations have pointed out that these agreements have been largely ignored, and many miners get as little as 30 minutes underground without natural light, whilst the median salary has only decreased 3% in 7 years.

The use of certain origins of Google Chrome has become a hotly-debated topic in the USA, the UK and Liechtenstein. Certain freedom-haters have suggested that the use of Canary or Dev origins, particularly on any of the lesser "Linux" flavours can be a gateway drug that leads to becoming a developer of FLOSS later in life. These advocates suggest stronger regulation on consumption by the government, with certain critics going so far as to suggest the creation of a "Google Chrome Tax" that would be used to pay for IE-therapy for people who are FLOSS-dependant.

Arguments against restricting the use of Google Chrome in consumer goods[edit]

Although few dispute the facts put forwards by Borat, since they are quite obviously true and he is a brilliant journalist, a few critics note that Borat is of Kazakhstani origin, and is well known for hating Tajikistan. They did not say it clearly, but they clearly meant to imply the ridiculous idea that Borat's film was fuelled by nationalist pride and the desire to criticise the booming Google Chrome economy that Tajikistan was thriving on, whilst Kazakhstan has no known resources of Google Chrome.

Theorists such as M. Keynes, B. Favre and D. Hasselhoff have also suggested that the working conditions of Google Chrome workers is necessary, and that attempts to enact government regulation upon them would have overall negative macro-economic effects. They suggest that the high salary these miners are paid serves as an incentive for them to found companies, since they have a strong financial footing, and in turn the salary where they accept employment is a rational market balance. The inefficiencies inherent to allowing employees the leisure to work on other projects during employment hours also are the result of a careful negotiation with invisible hands between the micro-economic cost of labour and the inter-temporal cost of self-fulfilment on behalf of these employees.

Periodic table of the elements
H He
Li Be B C N O F Ne
Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar
K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr
Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe
Cs Ba Lu Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn
Fr Ra Lr Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn Nh Fl Mc Lm Ts Og
La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb
Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No

See also[edit]