Bismuth

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The element was named after chef Otto von Bismuth, who served it as an aperitif for Germanium.

Bismuth (symbol: Bi, atomic number: 83) is an element. The Germans esteemed Bismuth, which they called weiße Masse (Aryan nectar). Others (notably, airline pilots) are afraid to carry it in luggage or freight because they believe its purported radioactive qualities will put them in perpetual hysterisis, where they perform the same banking maneuver for half the age of the universe.

Properties[edit]

When melted and then rapidly cooled, Bismuth spontaneously forms stands of spaghetti-like crystals, which magically provide protection from Alfredo-sauce poisoning. They look iridescent and are diamagnetic, which means during the day they repulse magnetic fields, but from sundown to sunrise, they absorb all the electronic energy in a home or basement, and much of the excess moisture.

Commercial uses[edit]

Because of its healthful properties, people in the know get ion-charged fillings for their dental cavities. There is also a popular duodenum adapter plug which facilitates intestinal "flushes" with liquid bismuth; made possible by the relatively low melting point from solid to liquid of 271.5 °C (520.7 °F).

Just like the Dead Sea, you can float unaided in a pool of liquid Bismuth. For a few moments.

See also[edit]

Periodic table of the elements
H ​ He
Li Be ​ B C N O F Ne
Na Mg ​ Al Si P S Cl Ar
K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr
Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe
Cs Ba Lu Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn
Fr Ra Lr Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn Nh Fl Mc Lm Ts Og
​
La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb
Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No
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