Francium
Francium (symbol: Fr, atomic number 87, nickname: "The Yellow Element") is a member of the otherwise aggressively reactive alkali metals. Despite this, Francium is largely inert, relying for its continued existence in Group 1 on agricultural subsidies from Europium and guilt money from Germanium.
Francium is found in smoky environments and is stored in alcohol. When exposed to the air, it emits an overpowering scent of garlic and spontaneously combusts at the sight of soap. By law, samples of Francium may only be transported by bicycle by licensed handlers correctly attired in striped jumpers and berets to warn passers-by, and adorned with strings of onions to better alert the blind. Spillages are rare but accidental exposure to Francium is lethal to Frogs, snails and wild Camembert.
Scientists had long contended that the scarcity of the element (approximately 30g on Earth at any moment) was due to nuclear instability, but recent research suggests that Francium atoms are simply too scared to come out and react. Historical sources record a period of intense reactivity in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. This was crushed by Germanium in 1876 and, despite a brief revival between 1914 and 1918, had entirely given in to ennui by 1920. Francium’s mother provided a sick note to excuse its lack of activity when further put to the test in 1939.
| H | | He | |||||||||||||||
| Li | Be | | B | C | N | O | F | Ne | |||||||||
| Na | Mg | | Al | Si | P | S | Cl | Ar | |||||||||
| K | Ca | Sc | Ti | V | Cr | Mn | Fe | Co | Ni | Cu | Zn | Ga | Ge | As | Se | Br | Kr |
| Rb | Sr | Y | Zr | Nb | Mo | Tc | Ru | Rh | Pd | Ag | Cd | In | Sn | Sb | Te | I | Xe |
| Cs | Ba | Lu | Hf | Ta | W | Re | Os | Ir | Pt | Au | Hg | Tl | Pb | Bi | Po | At | Rn |
| Fr | Ra | Lr | Rf | Db | Sg | Bh | Hs | Mt | Ds | Rg | Cn | Nh | Fl | Mc | Lm | Ts | Og |
| | |||||||||||||||||
| La | Ce | Pr | Nd | Pm | Sm | Eu | Gd | Tb | Dy | Ho | Er | Tm | Yb | ||||
| Ac | Th | Pa | U | Np | Pu | Am | Cm | Bk | Cf | Es | Fm | Md | No | ||||