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Brian and Ringo discuss their mutual attraction to Livermorium.

Livermorium is a chemical element discovered in the Cavern Club in Liverpool, circa 1962. It is also called Scouse Humorium and Ringorium. Contrary to American text books it wasn't invented by Little Jimmy Osmond or has anything to do with the writer Penny Lane or comedy artist Ken Dodd. It has now been credited to Brian Epstein but he died in 1967 before receiving his reward.

The story goes that Epstein was in the Cavern Club when he experienced Livermorium on seeing The Beatles wearing tight cycling shorts on stage. His initial words were I can do business with these boys and with that Livermorium appeared. Epstein's experience was mirrored by many female fans of Paul McCartney but in the next instance, Livermorium had disappeared and could be found heading towards the River Mersey with a brick around its neck.

The Science[edit]

Livermorium is radioactive and very short lived. It has the atomic number 116 but its hat size and inside leg measurements are yet to be fully established. When it is found this element can also understand Polish picked up from sailors it met in Hamburg. This suggests Livermorium is in the same Facebook group as Polonium. Livermorium also has a liking for anyone dressed in leather pants but when fashions change, it tends to be less common.


Since Livermorium has such a short life, it has few chances to date or go out with people. Also Epstein is dead and McCartney is now an old man. That's sad.

Periodic table of the elements
H He
Li Be B C N O F Ne
Na Mg Al Si P S Cl Ar
K Ca Sc Ti V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn Ga Ge As Se Br Kr
Rb Sr Y Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te I Xe
Cs Ba Lu Hf Ta W Re Os Ir Pt Au Hg Tl Pb Bi Po At Rn
Fr Ra Lr Rf Db Sg Bh Hs Mt Ds Rg Cn Nh Fl Mc Lm Ts Og
La Ce Pr Nd Pm Sm Eu Gd Tb Dy Ho Er Tm Yb
Ac Th Pa U Np Pu Am Cm Bk Cf Es Fm Md No