Scandium
Scandium is a d block element with a surprising number of isotopes. The most abundant among these is Swedium, an isotope generally found with a thick coating of yellow, hair-like oxidation. Swedium is known for its neutrality, and is mostly used in the manufacture of Volvos - which, by law, must be able to survive a 40 mph collision with a bull Moose without becoming scratched or dislodging Abba:Greatest Hits from the CD player. Swedium is most frequently found in steamy environments discussing the benefits of Social-Democracy and how best to build a sewerage system for the small Congolese city they have adopted. After being removed from this sauna (pronounced “sauna” in Swedish, rather than the usual English: “sauna”) Swedium must be beaten with birch sticks and stored in Akvavit (any alcohol solution above 75% by mass, commonly used to power lawnmowers). Swedium is stored in pine containers exclusively available from Ikea (pronounced “Ikea”), these can only be assembled following copious consumption of the afore-mention Akvavit and having broken at least one of your thumbs with a hammer. Three screws of two different sizes and a random length of chipboard will be left over. These should kept for several months “in case” before being used to repair a garden shed. Swedium can be found in abundant quantities in the Thunberg Mountains and Lake Abba.
Denmarkium is similar to Swedium in many ways, although it also shares some properties more associated with Germanium. Denmarkium is stored in containers made from small, interlocking, plastic bricks, usually in association with bacon and other pork products. By contrast, Norweigium, the smuggest isotope, has traditionally been found stored in fish oil but is now steeped in Hydrocarbons. Norweigium is aloof, unfriendly and drunk. Nevertheless, it is better than you and happy to share this information.
Other isotopes of Scandium exist, though their nature is more contentious:
Icelandium shares the properties of other Scandium isotopes but many scientists believe that it is a separate element that should appear in an entirely different part of the Periodic Table, significantly to the northwest. It is found in association with volcanoes, cod and Bjork.
Little is known of Faroeium beyond its overwhelming stench of fermented herring and its strange affinity for pickled puffin. The existence of Greenlandium is not in doubt, though it’s very purpose has been the subject of debate for centuries.
Finlandium shares the same forest and lake obsession with other Scandium isotopes but insists that this is coincidental and it is an element in its own right. Supporters of this theory claim that, though Scandium is a Transition metal, Finlandium should be classified as a Death Metal, and is best enjoyed at full moon in December from a snow drift. Most of Europium believes that Finlandium is a merely mythical entity.
| H | | He | |||||||||||||||
| Li | Be | | B | C | N | O | F | Ne | |||||||||
| Na | Mg | | Al | Si | P | S | Cl | Ar | |||||||||
| K | Ca | Sc | Ti | V | Cr | Mn | Fe | Co | Ni | Cu | Zn | Ga | Ge | As | Se | Br | Kr |
| Rb | Sr | Y | Zr | Nb | Mo | Tc | Ru | Rh | Pd | Ag | Cd | In | Sn | Sb | Te | I | Xe |
| Cs | Ba | Lu | Hf | Ta | W | Re | Os | Ir | Pt | Au | Hg | Tl | Pb | Bi | Po | At | Rn |
| Fr | Ra | Lr | Rf | Db | Sg | Bh | Hs | Mt | Ds | Rg | Cn | Nh | Fl | Mc | Lm | Ts | Og |
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| La | Ce | Pr | Nd | Pm | Sm | Eu | Gd | Tb | Dy | Ho | Er | Tm | Yb | ||||
| Ac | Th | Pa | U | Np | Pu | Am | Cm | Bk | Cf | Es | Fm | Md | No | ||||