Rutherfordium
Rutherfordium is named after British actress Margaret Rutherford. It is a chemical element found in the pages of an Agatha Christie novel where everthing is resolved in the library, including the identity of the murderer and how stupid British policemen are in solving crime. It is a very confused chemical element and can be found wandering around laboratories in wide skirts and loose stays. This was the result of her uncle Ernest Rutherford's party trick of splitting the atom after breakfast.
A sleuthing chemical[edit]
Rutherfordium's inspired guesswork made it an unpopular element in the Periodic table. Its powers of induced chemical reaction meant that unlike some others, it would hang around a laboratory for a good hour and a half before finally leaving.
The chemical is found in great quantities in character actors upstaging the nominal leads. This results in a lot of substandard Agathachristium, an isotope by-product of critical Rutherfordium. Because of this danger, star thespians always insist that a studio set be desensitised before they start work.
So why is it called a 'Sleuthing Chemical Element'? Well it has great powers of detecting bullshit from others in the periodic table. Since that is most of them, Rutherfordium receives no party invitations.
| H | | He | |||||||||||||||
| Li | Be | | B | C | N | O | F | Ne | |||||||||
| Na | Mg | | Al | Si | P | S | Cl | Ar | |||||||||
| K | Ca | Sc | Ti | V | Cr | Mn | Fe | Co | Ni | Cu | Zn | Ga | Ge | As | Se | Br | Kr |
| Rb | Sr | Y | Zr | Nb | Mo | Tc | Ru | Rh | Pd | Ag | Cd | In | Sn | Sb | Te | I | Xe |
| Cs | Ba | Lu | Hf | Ta | W | Re | Os | Ir | Pt | Au | Hg | Tl | Pb | Bi | Po | At | Rn |
| Fr | Ra | Lr | Rf | Db | Sg | Bh | Hs | Mt | Ds | Rg | Cn | Nh | Fl | Mc | Lm | Ts | Og |
| | |||||||||||||||||
| La | Ce | Pr | Nd | Pm | Sm | Eu | Gd | Tb | Dy | Ho | Er | Tm | Yb | ||||
| Ac | Th | Pa | U | Np | Pu | Am | Cm | Bk | Cf | Es | Fm | Md | No | ||||