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Testicles, or stress-relief balls, promote health and happiness, according to Dr. Laura Schlessinger

For the Greek philosopher, see Testiclēs.

“Attention Uncyclopedia readers. Testicles. That is all.”

~ Peter Griffin

“What's happenin' forum? Joe Biden's testicles. That is all.”

~ Ray William Johnson

Testicles are therapeutic devices designed to alleviate emotional stress and anxiety through the application of kinesthetic exercise. They are also known as stress-relief balls.


Two squeezable, oval-shaped balls are packaged in close proximity to one another inside a sack, known as the scrotum. Testicles come in a variety of colored pouches, including tan, bronze, chocolate, coffee, off-coffee, brown, black, cornsilk, yellow, pink, red, and blue, band-aid color, khaki, and poo, but only when an admirer fails to relieve the testicles themselves. Have you ever questioned balls? Like, if you look at balls you see the sack and then think what about the balls? Then you think to seem...I mean semen...are balls seemingly filled semen balls? Or are they the balls of life? Or death?

Instructions for use[edit]

To alleviate stress and anxiety, the user manipulates the balls through the silky pouch, rolling them together or in opposite directions, kneading them lightly, or jiggling them. Manufacturers suggest that users resist the impulse to bounce the balls because they are not made of rubber and could be damaged if too much force is applied to them.

Uses and benefits[edit]

Testicles are endorsed by many physicians, health organizations, and fitness centers as an ideal product for the release of stress, and users also express satisfaction with the item.

Doctors also say that testicles are effective in the treatment of arthritis, nerve-related diseases, gout, and depression. "Manipulating a pair of testicles generally has a pleasant, even a potentially euphoric effect, which can result in tranquil, relaxed feelings," Dr. Laura Schlessinger declares. "I play with a pair of them every day after I get home from the office."

Many users also report finding relief from pain as a result of flexing the testicles between their thumbs and fingers. "A five-finger massage is generally the best approach," Dr. Schlessinger advises.