Thumb

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Some people are "all thumbs".

Thumbs are a short, thick species of worm that commonly infect hands. These worms are transmitted from the mother to the child, and are the most prolific species of parasite infecting humans.

Maturity[edit]

Juvenile thumbs are called thumblings. They feast on the saliva of their host by secreting hormones that control the young host, bringing the worm to the mouth. This is a bad habit, because after puberty the worm will get hungrier and harder to satiate.

As the juveniles progress, they develop in two different directions. In the females, they often develop bizarre coloring, which turns different colors before finally settling on red. This is known as "nail polish". In the males, as development continues, they secrete hormones known as testosterone. This will create a desire to feed the young worm a milky substance known as semen. This becomes more and more addictive as the worm becomes hungrier.

Anatomy[edit]

This fossil failed to use its thumb to hitch a ride on Noah's Ark.

Bones[edit]

The thumb consists of three bones:

  • Distal phalanx
  • Not-so-distal phalanx
  • First metatron

Fallensus-longustostus is a long word meaning the "huff box". It experiences euphoria from the rest of the tendons, or kittens. Related words (related mostly in their length) are: abductor alienus, magistrate, denouement...

If cats could be bothered, they would use their thumbs a lot more.

Opposable thumbs[edit]

On occasion, two thumbs vie for the attention of their host. This is known as "thumbling rivalry". Although it usually starts innocently, these squabbles escalate into fights. The tussling thumblings should be separated and each put into a separate pocket, before they begin to twiddle.

Pandas developed thumbs to suck and chew bamboo; humans got their thumbs from smoking. This is a textbook case of parallel convergent evolution.

The hitchhiker's guide[edit]

A dominant trait of the thumb is the fact that it has a whip. It is such a dominant trait that hitch-hikers should stay away from lone thumbs, or they may be whipped and dominated.

See also[edit]