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Some people are "all thumbs."

Thumbs are a short, thick species of worm that commonly infect hands. These worms are transmitted from the mother to the child, and are the most prolific species of parasite infecting humans.


Juvenile thumbs are called thumblings, and feast on the saliva of their host by secreting hormones that control the young host, bringing the worm to the mouth. This is a bad habit, because after puberty, the worm will get hungrier and harder to satiate.

As the juveniles progress, they develop in two different directions. In the females, they often develop bizzare coloring, which turns different colors before finally settling on red. This is known as "Fingernail polish". In the males, as development continues, they secrete hormones known as testosterone. This will create a desire to feed the young worm a milky substance known as semen. This becomes more and more addictive as the worm becomes hungrier.



This fossil failed to use its thumb to hitch a ride on Noah's Ark.

The thumb consists of three bones:

  • Distal Phalanx
  • Not-so-distal phalanx
  • First Metatron

The exterior fallensus longustostus is a long word. It forms the "huff box" and experiences euphoria from the rest of the tendons, or kittens. Related words (related mostly in their length) are: Abductor alienus, magistrate, denouement...

Opposing Thumbs[edit]

On occasion, two thumbs vie for the attention of their host. This is known as "thumbling rivalry." Although it usually starts innocently, these squabbles escalate into fights. The tussling thumblings should be separated and each put into a separate pocket, before they begin to twiddle.

Pandas developed thumbs to suck and chew bamboo. Humans got their thumbs from smoking. This is a textbook case of parallel, convergent evolution.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Thumb[edit]

If cats could be bothered, they would use their thumbs a lot more.

A dominant trait of the thumb is the fact that it has a whip. It is such a dominant trait that hitch-hikers should stay away from lone thumbs or they may be whipped and dominated.

See also[edit]