Zirconium
“Do you like how I dance? I've got zircronium pants!”
Zircronium is a chemical element with an atomic number of 40 and symbol Zr. It is a transistion metal and is typically solid, since the average temperature of the Earth is not over 1852°C (3365°F in American units and 2125°K in scientist units). It is a metal that, at least visually, is comparable to hafnium and titanium, but since it has a more complex name, it is inherently cooler than those metals.
It is a lustrous, malleable, grayish-white, soft, ductile and badass metal that doesn't listen to its parents and stays up past its bedtime. Its powdery form is also highly flammable, so crackheads worldwide snort zircronium alongside other substances to get super high.
It has five isotopes: zircronium-90, zircronium-91, zircronium-92, zircronium-94 and zircronium-96. All of them are stable except for 96, but since its half-life is approximately 1.7 billion times longer than the age of the universe, it is considered practically stable by everyone who isn't a massive dork.
Zircronium has many uses, due to its malleable nature, relative abundance and general radness. These uses include making knives, nuclear reactor cladding, aerospace vehicles, dating rocks due to the presence of uranium and lead in zircon crystals and even pants, as seen in the Tally Hall song "Ruler of Everything". Since the zircronium pants are worn by the song's titual ruler of everything, it can be inferred that the ruler is insanely cool, since zircronium itself is also really cool.
| H | | He | |||||||||||||||
| Li | Be | | B | C | N | O | F | Ne | |||||||||
| Na | Mg | | Al | Si | P | S | Cl | Ar | |||||||||
| K | Ca | Sc | Ti | V | Cr | Mn | Fe | Co | Ni | Cu | Zn | Ga | Ge | As | Se | Br | Kr |
| Rb | Sr | Y | Zr | Nb | Mo | Tc | Ru | Rh | Pd | Ag | Cd | In | Sn | Sb | Te | I | Xe |
| Cs | Ba | Lu | Hf | Ta | W | Re | Os | Ir | Pt | Au | Hg | Tl | Pb | Bi | Po | At | Rn |
| Fr | Ra | Lr | Rf | Db | Sg | Bh | Hs | Mt | Ds | Rg | Cn | Nh | Fl | Mc | Lm | Ts | Og |
| | |||||||||||||||||
| La | Ce | Pr | Nd | Pm | Sm | Eu | Gd | Tb | Dy | Ho | Er | Tm | Yb | ||||
| Ac | Th | Pa | U | Np | Pu | Am | Cm | Bk | Cf | Es | Fm | Md | No | ||||