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Typical dorks.

A dork (also known as a person called Roger), from the Latin dormire (to sleep), is a short nap taken on a hard surface. The subject wakes up rested but with an IQ reduced by 10 points and a bruise on the head. The IQ scale is normally defined without the bruise to reduce confusion. The word has passed into mistaken parlance as meaning "someone who has dorked," due to the proliferation of people who have succumbed to the disease. It is important to point out that 'dorks' were not always morons but just had an accident with the cutting board, and we should all treat them with the same common decency we lend all human beings (minus the voting rights).

Dork causes[edit]

A mega-dork, more dorkier than a mere dork...

All incidents of dorkiness are caused by head trauma. This may happen in an infinite variety of unlikely but nevertheless hilarious ways. For example:

  • Subject steps in a bucket of washing water that has become moist on the bottom, slides sideways, tips over a chair, hits his or her head on it.
  • Subject drops a banana peel in the kitchen, slips on it. Catches the edge of a countertop, but sets foot accidentally in a bucket of washing water that has become moist on the bottom. Slides sideways and becomes entangled in a chair, which falls over. Subject tumbles down the adjacent stairwell and whams his or her head on the side-table at the bottom.
  • Subject slips on a banana peel and faceplants.
  • Subject slips on a device designed to destroy the equilibrium of one who stands on it, and faceplants in the concrete of a skateboard park.
  • Subject falls asleep at the wheel and nods forward, triggering the airbag. Boooosh!
  • Subject is accidentally mistaken for a crash-test dummy.
  • Subject is exposed to first-aid training for third graders. Such training should only be given to schoolchildren at an adequate level, i.e. first graders.
  • Subject lives around metapointy™ objects.
  • Subject takes a long dive into a shallow swimming-pool.
  • Subject takes a long drop into a shallow gene-pool.
  • Subject is cranially molested by a predatory dolphin.
  • Subject is hit over the head with a frozen turkey.

For some pointy-headed kids even repeated taps on the forehead with the middle finger are enough to cause self-inflicted terminal dorkiness


Coffee table. 43 min. A pity.

The blow to the head destroys the nervic limbous system, rendering the brain unable to radiate heat as it should. Results in the buildup of harmful Chi in the Chakra region (Lunar Plexus). Gamma waves become excessively steady. Victim's heart starts beating the intelligence right out of the body.


The best defense against dorking is to avoid all objects with sharp corners, like books, computers, model train sets, soldering irons, Dungeons and Dragons tables, and pencil protectors. In addition, an individual should positively stimulate his upper chakras with baseball, puttsmanship, and running competitions. Also, headbutting has controversially been proposed as a method of increasing the brain's cooling ability. When in doubt ask your mom

See also[edit]

  • Deception
  • More deception
  • Your mom
  • Oscar Wilde