“It happened. I remember it. The 1960s is...something related to drugs, right? It's where these cats walked into a bar and pulled down their pants and jumped off a building and starting screaming about 'digging it' while wearing a funny hats and dancing the tango because they were too drunk to remember who they were and so they reverted back to being cool cats again but then realized that that was a hallucination and they were squares which caused them to become extremely depressed and turn to drugs and alcohol because nobody loves them and daddy touched them and they will take over the world with their mind using LSD and Jefferson Airplane albums, resulting in the Vietnam War.”
Contrary to popular opinion, the 1960s (also referred to as the '60s, the Sixties, or the Swinging Sixties) did not happen, due to the space-time continuum being warped by a freak time-travel accident caused by hallucinogens. This is what made it such a great (or terrible) era as many people could get high, be hippieish as much as they wanted, and shag with others as much as they wanted. And if you remember the '60s, you weren't there. Prominent stars and icons of the decade include John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Baines Johnson, Sean Connery, Martin Luther King, Jr., Janis Joplin, Mr. Ed, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Clint Eastwood, Mick Jagger, Aretha Franklin, Timothy Leary, and Andy Warhol.
All important calendars have been updated so that November 1963 continues into May 1970, and all files and documentation have been either burned, eaten, or turned into a B-grade movie by Oliver Stone. If you find any record of the 1960s ever having existed, you are urged to call your local Department of Homeland Security Office with your name, address, phone number, social security number, dental records, and a copy of War and Peace handy. Those who can prove that the 1960s actually existed may be able to win $200, a I Proved The Sixties Existed And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt (And $200) shirt, and a book of poetry by Jim Morrison — although their friends may never hear from them again.
Understanding the '60s
The early part of the '60s (1960–1963) were similar to the 1950s and some even consider this part as the '50s as well. From 1963 onwards, the '60s started to emerge in history; the mid-latter part (1963–1970) was the real '60s we've come to love today with colour television (unless if you're Australia), Sgt. Pepper's, James Bond, hippies, druggy psychedelic rock that was gradually becoming less controversial, the name "Don" being used a lot, Generation X starting, and The Beatles (didn't think I'd forget that did you?). 1970 to 1972 was similar to the late '60s in one way or another, except with browner colors and more complicated music. It is known that the '70s was also decent since residual hippie culture remained intact through the decade, but it lasted until the '80s, when people were starting to get angry at hippies, the USSR was dying, and synthesised music didn't help either.
The '60s was very important for humanity as it was such a change for decades before and after. The world said goodbye to Elvis and hello to the Beatles in this decade. The '60s also paved the way for many art styles to become popular among the masses. Although some 1940s/50s culture remained such as vinyls which was succeeded by cassettes at the end of the decade.
While others choose to remember it differently, it has been confirmed that all anyone ever did in the '60s was consume drugs and chase the Beatles. To understand the '60s, you need to understand The Beatle Formula. It was created in 1987 by Mark Lewisohn. This is how this equation goes:
I Am=The Walrus=Paul=Is Dead
- The Vietnam War. Hearing that the Vietnamese Armada had been sighted off Plymouth, King Lyndon Baines Johnson immediately charged up San Juan Hill, crying "The Tonkin ghosts are coming!" This was a highly controversial event, and caused many protest marches.
- The dishevelled students of Paris throw the party of the decade in May 1968, building barricades with their parents' expensive Citroens, writing groovy words on building, and getting it on with the workers. President BigNose gets all uptight and shoots through, but when he comes back home all the kids are safely tucked back in bed, sleeping peacefully.
- The Prague Spring. The people of Czechoslovakia were caught in a terrible drought, but Leonid Brezhnev raised his mighty hammer, Mjolnir, and smote the ground outside Prague, causing water to flow forth from the earth.
- The Communists invaded Cambodia in 1969. They nuked a farm but the US Government, under control of Dictator President Richard Nixon, told the public it was a tornado. Then they nuked the rest of 'Nam to stop the invasion. They blamed this on the Viet Cong and hippies.
- The Demon Warp comes alive in 1965 (yeah, wow!).
- Australian Prime Minister Harold Holt is lost at sea whilst swimming. He later reappears equipped with four steel tentacles and does battle with Spider-Man and Le Duc Tho.
- Neil Armstrong and two other dudes ride in a giant flame-propelled phallus to a big grey rock in the sky.
- The 1960 US Presidential election where Tricky Dicky Nixon tried to steal it from JFK and lost, but may've possibly won in an alternate timeline.
The Most Important Event of the '60s
It was the day after the death of that guy who had been knocking off Marylin Monroe, the sister of Jill Monroe from Charlie's Angels. Jill got her own back by shooting the guy in the head in Dallas (the city not the TV series!). The guy in question, John Fitzgerald Kennebunk, was apparently so important he had a port named after him.
Coincidentally another guy known as JFK was incorrectly reported to have been bumped off in Dallas that same day. Thought to have been the Precedent of the Untied Straits, his death was considered unimportant, as he was in actual fact a playboy and mobster. It was later announced that he had killed Lee Harvey Oswald, a mild-mannered librarian who was obviously not Superman in disguise. The man who had announced a couple of years before "I am a Berlin sausage" is known to have been sausaging with a certain Norma Jeane Baker, a blonde tart he picked up on a street corner. He is also remembered for an occasion he drank too many Cuba Libres and had a problem with Russian sailors making too much racket, calling them "baying pigs!"
Lee Harvey Oswald (not to be confused with Lee Harvey Oswald) who was arrested for his alleged murder, claimed to have been in a cinema watching a cowboy film at the time of death. He blamed an unlucky ricochet from a shot fired by one of the cowboys. Two days later he died due to an unlucky ricochet from a shot fired by Jack Ruby, a small-time club owner, who was trying to shoot himself in the penis to avoid national service. The same day Ruby, realising his mistake and whilst trying to shoot himself in the head, instead killed JFK with an unlucky ricochet. Ruby himself was much luckier, dying not from a ricochet but from cancer.
A number of years later, JFK's brother BoboFK was assassinated by someone with a severe stutter known as Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan Sirhan.
The '60s was the time for campy television as lots of media producers began on a quest to find what the daily watcher wants. Perhaps the most popular type of TV shows was cheap Hanna-Barbera animation, which allowed The Flintstones and The Jetstones to exist. The live-action show Bewitched hit TV screens in the 1960s, as did Adam West's campy Batman (same bat time, same bat channel).
The '60s was also a great time for movies, having such classics as Psycho, 2001: A Space Odyssey (which wasn't made in 2001, kids), Dr Strangelove, Lawrence of Arabia, Goldfinger, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, True Grit, and many more. These movies, while most being horror films and Westerns, were huge successes.
“Seriously? In two years, they go from 'Love Me Do' to this? Gosh, I don't wanna see what comes after anymore...I'm gonna hide...”
The 1960s saw the assassination of John F. Kennedy, a sad moment in US history. But it didn't really matter since The Beatles came into Ed Sullivan's home to perform with all 300 million Americans watching the show. As baby boomers say, "The 1960s could be considered by one as the best decade when you consider all of this. Music is what made everyone love the '60s. In the '60s, music was at it's finest. It's one of the reasons people love the '60s. Everything in the '60s was awesome, especially The Beatles."
The Beatles pioneer the music of the '60s, recording hits like "I Want to Hold Your Hand", "Yellow Submarine", "Here Comes the Sun", and "I Am the Walrus", and had some of the best albums of the decade like Rubber Soul, Revolver, Sgt. Pepper, The White Album, and Abbey Road. They RULED the Earth pretty much.
The Beatles were part of a broader movement at this time called the British Invasion. After hearing of a hip new band from the UK, teenage girls across the US shouted "The Beatles are coming!" This event was revolutionary in the music world, and led to the innovation of the psychedelic rock era. The Rolling Stones were also at their peak in the '60s with albums like Their Satanic Majesties Request or Aftermath, but were always one step behind The Beatles. Status Quo, possibly the most monotonous British band ever, also played their first live gig to a captive audience. There was also The Monkees and The Beach Boys, but they were American.
Hippies and boomers
“Hippies...they're all around me and they smell bad.”
Hippies were invented in 1965 by Timothy Leary (Dr Hippie). His patent was unsuccessfuly challenged by Sir Beatnik (Allen Ginsberg). Leary and Bob Dylan convinced almost every (actually only 0.2%) American youth to "turn on, tune in, drop out" and try LSD and other substances. Woodstock, a hippie concert in which such top acts as The Who, Jimi Hendrix, Sha Na Na, and the Glenn Miller Band performed, was held in 1969 and was a defining act of a generation.
Those of the baby boomer generation do not have memories of World War II (thankfully), though some can recall memories of the 1953 US Presidential Election, and grew up with '60s pop-culture, either as teens/young adults or children. Many boomers continue to purchase re-re-re-remastered audiophile SACDs of '60s music to this day, and like to watch re-runs of '60s TV shows on TV Land or MeTV ("me" as in "Me generation").
Any '60s kid will know that back in their time, technology was actually advancing, not being the same thing over and over again. Even better, no-one had the internet, so social media didn't ruin anyone's lives. Plus you wouldn't have stupid memes flooding your recommended page, because you didn't even have one. Infact, to use technology, you had to actually put in the effort to try.
Everyone knows that the '60s had the best art styles. The '60s had styles like Mid-Century (Googie), Popluxe, Jet Age, Space Age, Pop Art, Black and White, and Sepia. The Yellow Submarine movie was another favorite of many. The '60s were the time of artists like Andy Warhol, when you didn't have social media.
Here are some examples of wonderful '60s art:
- The Beatles cartoon: While a little cheesy, this freshly-painted and cute cartoon that aired from the mid-to-late '60s, brought art to the Fab Four, being a style that remained with many over the years.
- Classical painting: Despite advancement, old styles of painting remained to still appease older generations.
- Ringo Starr: Believe it or not, Ringo tried to paint portraits of himself, but it didn't last long.
- Norman Rockwell: Rockwell's work is some of the finest. If you don't think so, you're not a true '60s kid.
Their have been many theories that the whole thing was some sort of experiment to subvert the American population. Originally thought to be a Commie–Soviet experiment, recent declassifications have revealed it to really be the CIA (who are said to be founded by Nazis brought in through Operation PAPERCLIP), there may also be considerable British involvement (exemplified by the work of The Beatles who attempted a significant programme of distraction which incorporated musical styles from earlier and later eras to create a myth of '60s culture). The rational faculties were distorted by mind-altering drugs so that persons subjected to such treatment were unable to tell the difference between reality and the '60s myth.
The demise of '60s culture
The demise of '60s culture is disputed; many say that '60s culture is still around today, while some say '60s culture never existed in the first place (see above). However, most now accept the end of '60s culture was in 1970. When it became '70s culture, with the Beatles' breakup, and the breakthrough of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath. And then the anti-hippie conservative backlash of the '80s happened...