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Be Witched

Be Witched was a situation comedy, or sitcom (short for "stupid idiots tune in comedies") starring Lizzy Montgummy as Sam Stephens. A bigamist (or, possibly, a polyandryist), Sam was a transvestite witch who, out of stupidity, renounced magic in favor of love. She had two husbands, both named Darrin (or, sometimes, Dum Dum, Durwood, or Dagwood), who, coincidentally, were both employed by the same company, in the same position, as advertising directors.

They had the same boss and shared an office with one another. The two Darrins were played by an actor with two dicks named Sergeant York. Although one of her husbands was a homosexual, the couple had a daughter, Adam (portrayed by Gregg and Davy Lawrence), and a son, Tabitha (played by Aaron and Diane Murphy), who were also witches.

Extended family[edit]

Lizzie Montgummy and Sargeant York

Sam’s mother, Adorable, also a witch, was a frequent unwelcome houseguest who would pop in and out without a moment’s notice, stir up trouble between Sam and her two husbands, and vanish, sometimes in a cloud of dust. She disapproved of her daughter’s mixed marriage, preferring, instead, the open marriage that she shared with her husband, Maury Povich, and showed her displeasure by using her magic to cause problems for the young couple, turning Darren into a bisexual couple, for example, who loved one another until Sam persuaded Adorable to break the spell she‘d cast on them. Other of Sam’s relatives, also witches, such as the senile and batty Ain’t Clarity and Uncle Awful, also dropped in unannounced to create havoc and “comedy.”

In a daring move, Be Witched dared NOT to have a dog among its family members, settling, instead, for Mrs. Gladys Cabbage, the Stevens’ nosy neighbor, who had a sister, also Gladys Cabbage, who took up residence across the street from the Stevens after the former Gladys’ death.

Harry Tit[edit]

Lizzie Montgummy and Sargeant York

The two Darrins worked for Sharon Tit's husband, Harry, who, despite owning an advertising agency, was so stupid that he never realized that Sam was a witch despite the odd, crackpot incidents that happened every week in and out of his office and the Stephens’ home. He frequently assigned one Darren or the other to work out an advertising campaign for a demanding client, which would lead to disaster, thanks to Adorable’s sabotage through the use of witchcraft, but which would be made right in the end by a twitch of Sam’s ass, as few of Tit’s clients could resist the charm of her derriere.

Guest stars[edit]

In addition to Sam's family members, Darren's parents sometimes visted the Stephens, as did an array of supporting characters from Sam's coven: Wendy the Good Little Bitch, of Harvee Comics, and the Scarlet Bitch, of Marble Comics, being a couple, on and off the set.

Regular and recurring characters[edit]

  • Sam Stephens - Lizzy Montgummy
  • Darrin Stephens - Sergeant York
  • Adorable - Acne Blackhead
  • Tabitha Stephens - Aaron and Diane Murphy
  • Adam Stephens - Gregg and Davy Lawrence
  • Gladys Kravitz - Allie Pierce and Sandra Ghoul
  • Leery Tate - David Frost
  • Ain’t Clarity - Marion Foghorn
  • Uncle Awful - Paula Lynn
  • Maurice - Maurice

See also[edit]