UnNews:The King is dead

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures! UnNews Thursday, May 21, 2026, 23:38:59 (UTC)

The King is dead UnNews Logo Potato.png

19 May 2026

His Majesty doesn't look too fit in this file photo.

BUCKINGHAM PALACE, Berkshire -- Tragically, King Charles III has passed away.

UnNews learned the sad news whilst listening to Radio Caroline, as one often does as one waits for inspiration from the Muse. Mid-afternoon on Tuesday, word arrived that the monarch who has been in a perennial photo finish with cancer had finally kicked the proverbial bucket.

Asked for details of the passing, however, station manager Peter Moore tried to portray it as a case of fake news. He explained that the obituary is actually run on Artificial Intelligence [sic]. A computer program called Death of a Monarch is triggered and a robot gives the lamentable announcement, ensuring that veteran news-readers do not burp or chuckle while doing so. "Radio Caroline then fell silent as would be required," Moore said. AI adds faint throat-clearings and the clicking of cigarette lighters for realism. In mere minutes, Moore added, someone at Caroline Radio who actually listened to the product became aware that something had gone wrong. This "alerted us to restore programming and issue an on-air apology," Moore continued.

The Radio Caroline broadcast is heard in countries as far away as Belgium and the Netherlands. Moore claimed that the Royals were actually in Northern Ireland, where His Majesty would presumably have been unable to hear his own obituary. He said Charles visited Thompson Dock, where the RMS Titanic departed on its maiden (and spinster) voyage, and a charity that promotes digital careers, such as preparing Labour's digital dog-tags for each of His Majesty's subjects, staying on the theme of disasters.

Despite the scary medical prognosis, King Charles recently visited the States and returned without Donald Trump declaring Britain an American territory. "We are united in our commitment," His Majesty said at the time, while allowing that he might wait another decade to see how this independence thing works out.

Alas! and now he is gone.

Sources[edit]