UnNews:Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia
| We have met the enemy, and he is us | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, January 15, 2026, 19:39:59 (UTC) |
| Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia | 
|
15 January 2026
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. President Donald Trump is celebrating his success in "breaking the mustache mafia" after American soldiers captured Venezuelan strongman Nicolas Maduro and flew him to New York.
"This is the greatest day in American history since George Washington crossed the Delaware. No other leader of this country has achieved what I have done. We have broken the Mustache Mafia. God Bless America."
Referencing John Bolton and the late Saddam Hussein of Iraq as leaders of the "fascist facial fungus clique", Trump said he made his decision to seize Maduro after a game of golf.
"This is the new Golden Age for American might. We've got the Venezuelan oil and will soon have Greenlandic ice in our cocktails. Then Mars with our modern-day Christopher Columbus, Elon Musk."
The new leader of the Mustache Mafia is Julian Pringles, whose familiar smiling face on tubes of potato chips is now the new face of evil. Trump has demanded the Pringles mascot "get clean-shaven" or be "redacted".
Sources[edit]
- Staff "President Trump and Marco Rubio". MS Now, January 15, 2026