Portal:Music
 |
Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Music portal.
By far the most musical portal you will ever find. |
|
To understand music, we must first understand sound. Sound is an ingredient used to make tuna casserole. (It is disputed whether sound is sweet or savory.) Sound is alive. The hills are alive with it. Just ask Julie Andrews.
The word "Music" comes from two parts: Mute and sick, basically meaning if you don't mute it you get sick. Therefore generally speaking music are created to make people sick, either feeling high or dying.
Highlighted Article
 |
| The Skin Flute has greatly increased in popularity due to additives that can increase comfortable playing time by nearly four hours. |
The skin flute is a musical instrument of the woodwind family. Unlike other woodwind instruments, a flute is a reedless wind instrument that produces its sound from the flow of air against an edge called "blowing". The size and shape of a skin flute is both wide spread and varied, from the 3 1/2" "Pee Wee" through to the related hybrid Pink Oboe some of which have been known to top 14 inches, with substantial girth.
The Skin Flute is traditionally not a difficult instrument to master, although some might argue that it is an acquired taste, egged on by a deep desire to play with it and lave attention on it. Unlike the woodwind flute, it is not necessary to perfect an embouchure to play the skin flute, making the skin flute far easier to master than an orchestral flute - gag reflex excepted. As it only has one single hole, it is unlike its modern brethern; however should one encounter a skin flute with hole(s) along its sides it is best left alone. Careful manipulation with the fingers, tongue or lips can provide a variety of responses, allowing a master skin flautist to reach a crescendo or ease into a more subdued passage....
| Archive | Article credit: Mhaille | (more...) |
Music in the News
 |
| "What?" |
VIENNA, Austria -- At a dinner party planned by his live-in girlfriend and attended, for the most part, by her friends, Ludwig van Beethoven admitted to the one friend he was allowed to invite that he hears just fine, thank you very much.
"Feigning a state of deafness is the only way I can get time to myself to make music." he said, between sips of brandy from his favorite pewter mug, "Before, it was all 'Blah, blah, blah. Wiggy, you need to listen to me. Blah, blah, blah'. I'd just get through the 'Dah-dah-dah dum' and she'd come clomping into the room to unburden herself of a lengthy monologue about my abysmal taste in personal attire, or about how she saw the most wonderful material for new curtains during her latest foray into town. Now I can get some peace, at least. I'm up to 'Dah-dah-dah, dum. Dah-dah-dah dum' now...it's a work in progress"...
| Archive | Article credit: Modusoperandi | (more...) |
Featured Image
 | |||
|
If John Lennon was the Walrus, then why is this Paulrus part of the Beatles exhibit at the Museum of Natural Science and History?
|
Featured Artist
 |
| One of Miles' favourite things: Coltrane playing saxophone |
Miles Davis was a jazz musician. He played trumpet. People say he's black, but that's because they're part of the predominantly white establishment who wanted to pigeonhole him into one category. Miles doesn't like categories, and he said himself: "I'm all races at once, baby. That's what fusion was all about, don't you know?" Throughout his long career, Miles also redefined jazz humour, by being the most humourless jazz personality to ever have existed. In effect, Miles taught his proteges that it was fine to ignore the audience while playing, not to announce tunes, and even turn your back to them (to be fair, a lot of audiences turned their backs to Miles when he started playing syrupy pop-jazz in the eighties). You might want to classify Miles' humour as "black comedy"....
| Archive | Article credit: Knucmo2 | (more...) |
Lyric of the Week
“No, I'm not a stranger Look! I have an umbrella!”
- ~ From the UnTunes song: You can stand under my umbrella (you can also feel my antenna)
Featured UnTunes
|
| PLAY>MP3 |
Middle-Aged Suburban White Guy Rap
Featuring the smooth vocal stylings of "DJ" Daryl Dipstick & Doofus.
Daryl: Word!
Doofus (in wimpy nasal): Sure, I got Word. Excel, Powerpoint, the whole office suite. <snort>
Daryl: Would you shut up, homie? I’m trying to throw down some tough rhymes here.
Doofus: Sorry. So, what does Word, mean?
Daryl: I don’t know - it’s just something they say. Now shut up or you’re fired! Uhm, I’ve got to get my groove on, or get in touch with my inner child, or something. Hmmm… wait… I got one!
Yo homies, my rhymes are much better than crack
So pull up a chair and put down that smack
And don’t get in my face cuz my man’s got my back
It’s the Middle Aged Suburban White Guy Rap
Check it out, G. Am I a bad buttocked mother hugger or what? Ha ha ha!
It’s the American dream, the life that I got – 2 kids and a wife, a Beemer, a dog...
| Archive | Musical credit: Tooltroll | (more...) |
Recent Articles in Music
UnReviews:Wall-E_(music_video) NSFW • American Pie • Giant Jew Band • UnTunes:Troops on the Ground • In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida • I Am the Walrus • UnTunes:Confessions of a Telemarketer • UnTunes:Ur So Phat and you don't even like food • HowTo:Write Colin Meloy Lyrics • Industrial Metal • Emo Rap • Phil Ochs • UnBooks:Great Abridged Pop Songs • UnTunes:I Will Possess Your Log