Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.

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Walpurgis Night

“Semantic shifts? I'll shift you, you tosser!”

~ Roger Moore (former James Bond) explaining the Walpurgis Night to a fellow attendee

The oft mentioned and generally popular quasi religious festival, Walpurgis Night is a cult descended from a German Witch ceremony celebrating summer on May 1. Rumours of a bi-annual event are in the offing with the recent New Age acquisition of several English towns.^[1]

Initially religious significance was ascribed to the festival along with occult leanings; however the movement has survived several eras through sponsorship right up to the present day. Universality of many areas has been present though all the changes including a Bonfire and there is a refusal to acknowledge the celebration prior to the advent of the Gregorian calendar.

Corporate concerns are the chief purpose of the celebration today and it has been reported that several media conglomerates are planning a takeover. Tom Cruise has also announced that the Church of Scientology would like to purchase the copyrights for the event.

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↑ Including Royston Vasey.

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Highlighted Image

If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.

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Books and Other Media

UnBooks - UnBooks:Catholic Church's Version of Harry Potter

UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon

Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps

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Religion in the News

UnNews:Pope gets new hat

UnNews:God Sues for Copyright Infringement

UnNews:God admits "I experimented with evolution"

UnNews:Godless Europeans blast US technological dominance

UnNews:Heaven to be outsourced

UnNews:Obama's divine powers fading

UnNews:Increased sunspot activity cause for concern at Vatican

UnNews:Mosque comments taken out of context

UnNews:Praying pilot jailed

UnNews:American toy company seeks Muslim market share

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Quote of the Week

“You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.”

~ Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies (Don't believe me? Google it!}}

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