Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
By far the holiest portal you will ever find. |
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
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The Attack of the 500-foot Jesus will begin on a Tuesday, not far from the Independence, Missouri bus stop you normally pass on your way to work. At approximately six seconds past six minutes past six hours into the day (that's 06:06:06, derived from the number of the beast), 500-foot Jesus will rise from the depths of a nearby underground train station, cracking the ground as He rises up. He will carry two train carriages all the way to downtown Kansas City; the carraiges which will then be thrown into the two tallest buildings in the vicinity.
But on which day, exactly will these events occur? To discover the horrific truth about that, we must plunge into the mysterious and wondrous world of numerology, Mayan calendars, and Microsoft Project 2.0.
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Jesus survived 40 days in the desert, thanks to his trusty automatic weapon.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“It means every reaction is followed by an action.”
- ~ Alfred E. Neuman on Karma.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Apatheism - Brian Tamaki - Change - Darwinism - Existence of God - Father Christmas - God Hates Fags - Hezbollah (Humanitarian Movement) - ITSCON - Judas Eukaryote - Khalil Gibran - Lutheranism - McJesus - New Clothes, (Emperor's), The - Purgatory - Quakerism - Requiem Republicam - Seven ages of man - Ten Commandments - Unintelligent Design - Voidism - Why?:They Hate Us? - Xristianity - YHWH -
Zombie ChristianityReligious Articles That Need Help
Atheist Doctrine - Brahmin - Church of Sony - Doomsday - Eucharist - Faith - God vs. New York - Holiness - It's hard out here for a pimp - Jeohovas witness - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mose - Nun - Original sin - Passion of the Christ - Quakers - Ramayana - Smart - Theist - Ultimate Question - Veggiestrology - Wikipedianity -
Zucchini