Portal:People
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's People portal.
This is by far the most biographical portal you will ever find. |
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People are evil. Fear people. They are known to eat oranges. People are everywhere these days, as they constitute the final phase of the STD "baby." Their prevalence in history is rarely notated, so we're going to drop some knowledge, old school style.
Featured Biographical Article
Karl Lagerfeld
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To you
You are happy to meet me. This disappoints me. My presence should take you beyond mere happiness. Let me tell you the truth; you are ecstatic! How could you not be? I'm Karl Lagerfeld!
Listen to me when I speak. Listen baby. Do you mind that I call you "baby"? It does not matter! It is not your place to choose such things! I'm Karl Lagerfeld! Other babies would be delighted if I were to take time out from my day and call them "baby". Do you think that you are special? No! Only I am special!
Follow Karl Lagerfeld and let me show you my power. Pause and look...
(more...)
Selected Picture
After the scientist invented the time-travel machine, Vin Diesel goes back in time to pose for Leonardo Da Vinci in 1508. Tabloids read: "MONALIESEL is complete!" though the actual title of the painting was Manalisa.
Did you know...
- ...that the original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.
- ...that every 23 seconds a Tupperware party starts somewhere in the world.
- ...that not everything you read is true.
- ...that ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
People in the news
- Proof the CIA is using leprechauns to keep the black man down (pictured)
- Airport staff want to see your junk.
- Organized crime, America's farmers, no match for millions of bored Facebook users.
- America's politicians decide to become disc jockeys.
- Satan lets loose evil opossums, demon-possessed proctologists.
- Kanye wins an epic battle against Lil Wayne in a Twinkie eating Contest
- Charlie Sheen arrested for assaulting the fat kid from Two and a Half Men
- Even Dick Cheney may become a Wolf when the Wolfbane blooms
- Boxer Mike Tyson new spokesperson for General Mills cereals.
- Aliens shut down high-value UFO sighting reporting unit, now prepared for all-out invasion of UK.
- Gary Kirsten presents his revolutionary methods of training for Indian cricketers.
- Tigger Woods Loses His Bounce in the Pooh Sticks Gate Scandal.
- Europe has a new Emperor with a funny name - ideal for tabloid headlines.
- British actor dies . Americans may know who he was.
- Grim Reaper commits suicide after massive week of celebrity deaths
- Some old guy died, or something (ask your parents)
Other remarkable people
Below is a list of popular people:
Quote of the Day
“People who count their chickens before they are hatched, act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately”
Things You Can Do
- Find a remarkable article about someone and suggest it for promotion.
- Help re wright articles about people. Some will be healed by a simple spell check, others need something a little more drastic.
- Be as social as you possibly can.