Portal:Film

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Film portal.

Film is a term that encompasses individual motion pictures, the field of film as an art form, and the motion picture industry. Films are produced by recording images from the world with cameras, or by creating images using animation techniques or special effects.

Film is an important mechanism; films entertain, misguide, confuse, and distract audiences, thus producing a society of sheep that industry and politics require on to keep those dollars rolling in. However, to avoid panic, it's commonly just lumped under the category of art.

The visual elements of cinema need no translation, giving the motion picture a universal power of communication. This is why that breasts, explosions, and car chases are as deeply cherished and understood in the United States as they are in Wherethefrickistan.

Films are also artifacts created by specific cultures, which reflect those cultures, and in turn, affect them. It is commonly agreed however that none of these will be worth digging up and featuring in the Smithsonian, regardless of the number of years old.

Traditional films are made up of a series of individual images called frames. When these images are shown rapidly in succession, a viewer has the illusion that motion is occurring. The viewer cannot see the flickering between frames due to a combination of physiological and psychological effects. One is known as persistence of vision — whereby the eye retains a visual image for a fraction of a second after the source has been removed. The other is known as hooch — whereby audiences sneak in potato vodka and other homemade alcohol under their jackets, to save money at the concession and to increase the enjoyment of the movie.

The origin of the name "film" comes from the fact that photographic film (also called film stock) has historically been the primary medium for recording and displaying motion pictures. Many other terms exist for an individual motion picture, including picture, picture show, photo-play, flick, and most commonly, movie. Additional terms for the field in general include the big screen, the silver screen, the cinema, and the movies.

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Unromantic Comedy is a 2009 UnFilm Production, directed by a bunch of idiots with a video camera, and starring, believe it or not, Cameron Diaz. She obviously hasn't got much good work recently, if this is the kind of thing she is reduced to working in...

Scene 1

A nursery, somewhere sunny and beautiful in California. Jane is helping out some little kids paint.

Jane: Okay, kiddies, it's time to put away the paintbrushes. You're going home now! (muttered) Thank God.

Child: Why are you thanking God?

Jane: Because he made our beautiful world, Ben, now stop licking the paintbrush and put it away.

Sam then walks in to pick up his child.

Child: Daddy!

Sam: Hello, son! Oh, its so nice to see you. What a shame your mother died in a car crash and now I'm a single parent...

Jane: (overhearing) Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Sam: Oh, don't worry. I'm Sam, by the way.

Jane: I'm Jane.

Sam: Nice to meet you Jane. That's a nice top.

Jane: Why, thank y-

Sam: Wanna fuck?

Jane: What!? No!

Sam: (sadly) Oh. It was worth a try.

Child: Let's go, Daddy!

Sam: Yep, let's go. Say goodbye to the sexy nursery teacher.

Child: Goodbye!

(They leave.)

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Doctor Zhivago

In Sovet Россия, Zhivago Doctors YOU!

Image theft credit: Ogopogo

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What's On?

Main Page 2001: A Space Odyssey • Albanian interpretationalist cinema • Blade Runner • Carry On Films • Donnie Darko • Dr. No • Eadweard Muybridge, Zoopraxographer • Eraserhead • G Rated Talking Animal Movie • Passion of the Christ 2 • Pirates of the Caribbean • Robert's Rules of Order: The Movie • Surprise Ending • Terminator • The Wizard of Oz • You Don't Mess with the Zohar •

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Main Page FADE IN

EXT. LONDON STREET - DAY

From high above the bustling city, the
foreboding calm of a breezy Alfred
Hitchcock day looms. Slowly
approaching street level, the sights
and sounds of a busy, bright London
day fill the eyes and ears.

At length, a lone sheet of paper - an
Uncyclopedia article about a great
English suspense film maker - flaps
in the breeze, stuck temporarily in
the damp gutter.

Presently, the wind carries the article
away. It slaps at the face of a busy
London commuter as he tries in vain to
hail a taxi. He bats at the article in
frustration and it flies away.

        COMMUTER
    Taxi!

He checks his watch.

A young lad tugs at his coat. The
man impatiently brushes him away -
but the lad is persistent.

        COMMUTER
    What is it, boy? I'm late for
a meeting!

        LAD
    Please sir. I wondered if you
have seen an article flying past
in this wind.

        COMMUTER
    A what?

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Did you know...

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Nicolas Cage started life as Nicholas Coppola, but became known by his current surname because famous film director Uncle Francis Ford Coppola used to keep him confined for protection. Ours. There's no official explanation as to how he was released, but the results have only confirmed Coppola's original wisdom.

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