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A known schizophrenic. Notice the headgear.

What is schizophrenia?[edit]

A Set of Superpowers that causes one to be able to hear, smell, and/or feel things that normal mortals cannot. You might be a budding superhero, an X-man, an alien, or even a dragon and not even know it!

Schizophrenics are the worlds greatest pseudoscientists: they often have the ability to create a perpetual motion device using sixes and gravity to pull down a sheet of nines to create an electrical magnetic force to power two turny-things like a motor.

They have been known for their incoherent babble which is actually a abstract story-like way of compiling thoughts which inspire the listening to think and connect the dots which represent a spatially intelligent diagram of a scientific or artistic concept. These few abilities keep them safe from harm from people such as James Randi who is an underground psychic killer working for the McDonald's, Walmart, and the New World Order. They typically are known to say, "I see dead people." and, "I'll never telllllllllll."

Causes of Schizophrenia[edit]

Schizophrenia is caused to be from external influences along with genetics. This story comes down to a time when people were ascended masters such as Jesus for example. Jesus with the ability to do extraordinary things had the ability to pimp tons of women at once and spread his genetic seed across the universe. Sadly however, no one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that, as a species, human beings define their reality through suffering and misery. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this: the peak of your civilization.

How to avoid catching Schizophrenia[edit]

Essentially DON NOT JOIN A religion, or if you've tried this read on.

There are two kinds of schizophrenia; fortunately, the more contagious kind, pneumonic schizophrenia, is increasingly uncommon.

Normal (or bubonic) schizophrenia is rarely transferred between people; psychiatrists can work with schizophrenics for months or even years without becoming infected. However, you should take all necessary precautions like riding a hippo.

Schizophrenia is a condition which includes visual and auditory hallucinations. The best way to avoid catching schizophrenia is hence to get all these hallucinations out of your system, by taking a lot of hallucinogenic drugs. Beware that drugs such as LSD may act as a gateway drug, and that people may later go on to commit such offenses as smoking pot, parking in disabled parking spaces, and loitering.

Contrary to received opinion, there are no negative thought control experiments by government, or other, agencies. Instead, governments recognize that the natural condition of the human mind is towards disintegration and illness, and so broadcast positive psychic energies and disease-blocking frequencies. To avoid catching schizophrenia, you should avoid wearing all headgear, particularly lead-lined headgear, since this prevents the government's anti-psychological illness transmissions from reaching you.

Paranoia means that you are halfway to the truth. Keep going.

Diet is important. Lower-income families who eat a lot of burgers have a higher incidence of schizophrenia, which is positive, due to increasing the mortality rates of the underclass. Eat lots of fruit and vegetables. Marrows are particularly rich in anti-schizophrenia chemicals.

Capitalism and Schizophrenia[edit]

'Capitalism and Schizophrenia' is a philosophical work by the French philosophers, Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari. No-one other than Keanu Reeves really understands it.

High-profile schizophrenics[edit]

The profile of schizophrenia was raised significantly by the popularity of the documentary The Matrix, which followed the boy 'Neo', actually one Colin P. Hammer, one-time MC. The film has some of the best special effects ever to grace a documentary, second only to Spinal Tap, which dramatically portray his inner psychodrama. 'Neo', like many schizophrenics, is drawn to phone boxes, seems to hear commands, and visualizes an alternate world. Particularly detailed are the visions of a future spaceship, modeled on his mother's Mini Cooper, which often ferried him to and from a psychiatrist. The production company cashed in by producing two subsequent works of fiction, both of which are far superior in all ways to the original film. 'Neo' is currently in hospital receiving treatment for a broken leg acquired on a assertion of fight, and a broken penis.

Other high profile schizophrenics involve that mathematician guy, and that other mathematician guy. Oh, and gollum.