Taylor Swift
Yeehaaaaaaaaa! Taylor Swift here. Par Avion, Queen of the Swifties and Time Magazine Person of the Year. I am here to tell you directly why you should support me. So when those trolls down at Uncyclopedia asked me to get my writing ass into gear I said no problem. Wikipedia is full of lies. I will try here instead.
You mean you don't know who I am? Ssshhh! What are you? Do I have to explain my success here? Well it's quite simple. I am the ideal all American girl. Blonde hair, clean teeth and a bright smile and a complexion like a scoop of vanilla ice cream. If Barbie hadn't beat me to it, girls would have been playing with their Swifties!
Never mind. Oh yes. You want some stuff about me here and it's straight from the horse's mouth. Not that I am a horse by the way. I do have a ponytail. Nice one I think.
In the Beginning[edit]
The name was Taylor. I'm from Pennsylvania. Not much of a girl's name you may ask. Well I like it. It trills off the tongue. I was named after James Taylor, I think. So my parents tell me as he was a singer/something in 1989. I started out performing whilst still at school. I was BIG in country music. So got to listen to Dolly Parton and that's who I wanted to be. Actually no. Dolly was a my parent's singer. I liked Shania Twain as she was dead sexy on video.
So I actually liked the poppy music but my folks told me Country & Western was the way in for me. Truth be told I did look good as a cowgirl with my six string slung in front of me and a pair of patriotic booties to flash at the Good Old Boys. This of course caused be a lot of tension with the likes of Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus. They said I was stealin' their act and because I was slim and tall (unlike those two sows), they tried to poison my reputation.
My early days was a lot of fending off men with groping hands. A lot of promises if they could cop a feel stuff. I stood my ground. I am serious artist even if I was spending time as a warm up act for some of those old stagers. They said I couldn't sing or a keep in tune. A lot of negative stuff. I got myself a record deal. The usual Country stuff about losin' my man and one song Should've Said No got me a ton of airplay. And a number One. I was appearing on magazines all over the place. By now I had shed my cowgirl look. I was struttin' on stage in my undies.
By the Middle[edit]
In 2010 I made it to the top of the Billboard chart.
In the End?[edit]
I'm still there! The greatest music star!!
Apotheosis[edit]
By now the whole world knows me. I have my own army of fans called the Swifties. Babies of both sexes and none are called after me. Nothing can't stop me. See me run for President in 2028!
