Woof
A "woof", also known as a "wyf", "wœf" or "/wʊf/" is a noise.
A woof is often loud and deep, and as such is a common source of a headache. As such, it is recommended to minimise risk of being in proximity to a woof wherever possible.
History[edit]
The first woof in English literature was uttered between 975 and 1025 AD by the title character of the classic poem Beowoof.
Comparable traditions, including the Icelandic Grettis saga, the Norse story of Hrolf Kraki and his shapeshifting servant Bodvar Bjarki, and the related Scottish ritual of pub-crawling, are notably void of any woofs.
Triggers[edit]
A woof can be triggered by:
- dogs, if they're not mentally ill.
- Wikipedophiles.
- your mother, when she's getting pegged.
- Hickians.
- dog skeletons.
- Lindsay Lohan, when she's pegging your mother.
- Dr Evil.
- cats, if they're demented.
- Martin Scorsese, whilst within close proximity to any powered screen.
- your dad, upon seeing a Jew.
- Oscar Wilde, when he's pegging both Lindsay Lohan and your mother at the same time.
- Leonard Nimoy.
The "Woof-Poof" law[edit]
ㅤㅤNot to be confused with the "Woof-Puff" law, a law in mid-1700s Belgium which forced all gays to woof when ordered to do something.
The pure nuisance of a woof has formed a law in China where if a woof is heard, its source must be eradicated. This law is known as the "現在樹皮已經消失了" (translated to "now the bark is gone") or the "Woof-Poof" law, and has both improved wellbeing across China (due to minimised headaches, and in turn depression), and minimised the risk of a food shortage (due to the amount of dogs being killed).