House of Merovingian
The Merovingian dynasty ruled France from the 5th century to the age of Charlemagne 300 years later. Yet until the books of Dan Brown they were relatively unknown to anyone outside France except those who liked to read about families who would kill each other and wore their hair long. Now thanks to Brown, the Merovingians are claimed to be the direct descendants of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdelene and before that King David and Adam Ant, the first musician.
Monstrous origins[edit]
The first Merovingians were the leaders of a Frankish war band, also called the 'Salian Franks', located along the frontier between the Roman Empire and Germanic tribes on the banks of the River Rhine. It was a place of marshes and incessant rain. The Romans took pity on these barbarians and allowed them to settle by the frontier and learn how to drain a swamp and detect the telltale signs of mildew.
Their leader was Merovech, whose mother had sex with a nameless sea monster. Merovech chose for his partner another human, possibly a princess from another, more powerful Frankish clan called the Riproaring or Ripuarian Franks who were big around Cologne and were selling perfume to smelly Germans.
Battle for Gaul[edit]
Going Christian[edit]
Division, Dispute and Murder[edit]
Reunion and then All Breaks[edit]
Dagobert[edit]
Power drain[edit]
Discarded[edit]
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Or maybe not. Should they choose the latter, within seven days, this page will not exist anymore.
Now, go away!
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
This page will be re-checked on 21 March 2026
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