Air Canada
| Air Canada | ||
|---|---|---|
 | ||
| IATA AC | ICAO ACA | Callsign Maple Syrup, eh? |
| Founded | 1937 | |
| Commenced operations | 1965 | |
| Hubs | Toronto Pearson International | |
| Frequent flyer program | Miserable Air Points | |
| Alliance | Star Alliance | |
| Subsidiaries | Air Canada Jazz | |
| Fleet size | -3 | |
| Destinations | Anywhere outside of Canada | |
| Company slogan | "The only airline where all the workers hate each other" | |
| Headquarters | In Justin Trudeau's pancreas | |
| Key people | Ol' Mikey "Mike" Rousseau | |
“You will sit in the vomit-covered seats.”
“I've been at the luggage carousel for 2 years looking for my bag.”
Air Canada is an airline that is based out of Canada. It used to be that nation's flag carrier, until they misplaced the flag.
Air Canada flies metal tubes across the world, and have been doing so since about 1937. Known for their kind staff, modern airplanes, and use of necromancy on dead animals,[1] Air Canada has received reviews over the several decades it has been around.
Air Canada flies to every city in Canada, as well as cities outside of the country. International flights only started in 1980 after they found out that there were other countries outside of Canada. Air Canada flies a wide variety of aircraft.
Air Canada has multiple subsidiaries. Some of them are Air Canada Jazz, which is notable for live jazz performances on planes, often annoying the passengers and resulting in intense violence on board. Another is Air Canada Rouge (meaning Air Canada Red), which is not an official Air Canada subsidiary, but rather a Cold War era communist sleeper agent company.
History[edit]
Air Canada was founded in 1937 by Gordon McGregor, a man who one day found himself in Canada. Desperate to get out, he slammed together a bad airplane built with scrap metal he found on the streets of Montreal. He somehow managed to fly himself out to Detroit, however decided to fly back to Canada after seeing what Detroit was like in person. He later realized that Canada needed an airline, and he needed money to survive in Canada, so he founded Trans Canada Air-Lines, although the Canadian National Railway stole credit for that.
TCA flew very nice planes, although they all began to rust at some point. ( The first plane bought by Air Canada was a Cessna 172, after McGregor's plane finally crashed.) In 1965, professional airline renamer and lawyer[2] Jean Chrétien politely asked them to rename themselves to Air Canada. They refused, but Chretien made them do it anyway. This marked Air Canada's downfall.
On June 2, 1983, a fire occurred on Air Canada Flight 797, which was caused by the unfortunate decision made by a passenger to eat spicy food in the airport terminal. The fire started in the bathroom of the plane, and killed 23 people. After this incident, Air Canada banned smoking on all their flights, even though that was not the cause of the accident. The restaurant also closed.
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Air Canada is a founding member of Star Alliance, which they founded along with United Airlines, Scandinavian Airlines, Thai Airways International, and Lufthansa. If you decide to fly with Star Alliance airlines, beware, as you will be seeing stars after you land.
Service classes[edit]
There are three classes: Business Class, Premium Economy, and Economy Class.
- Business Class
This is the fanciest thing you can get on an Air Canada flight. You get your own little pod, and the flight attendants will treat you like a person.
- Premium Economy
This is Business Class Lite, to make poor people feel fancy. But, it's really not fancy at all. Think of this as the equivalent of sitting on a warm toilet seat. Pleasant, but not at all.
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- Economy
Economy is where you'll be sitting, most likely. Prepare for the worst flight experience in all of Canada. Also known as Cattle Class, this is where you'll become an animal rights activist, as it will make you feel like a farm animal.
All three service classes offer refreshments. Unfortunately, they are airplane food. Airplane food is never good, and Air Canada is no exception. Unless you like cup noodles and gas station sandwiches. The practice of serving food on Air Canada flights began after farming was discovered in Canada.
