Kim Kardashian
 This Celebrities-related article is a stub. The article submitter may also have been short-handed. You can help Uncyclopedia by expanding it. |
Kim Kardashian is a mass hallucination experienced by lonely men who can't get laid, foremost among them Kanye West.
A walking, talking ass[edit]
This strange and peculiar, semi-sentient hallucination is emblematic of the shallowness of American culture in the first two decades of the new millennium.
"She" is believed to have originated when her god-uncle O.J. Simpson paid her "father", Robert Kardashian, vast amounts of money to help him hide the fact that he brutally murdered his cheating wife. (Surprise! There's no joke in that sentence!) Robert Kardashian promptly went on an epic bender with L. Ron Hubbard on a Scientology boat, hallucinated that he became a father - and thus "Kim" was "born", in a "loving home", with a "real personality" that persists to this day.
While some cultural critics call her the prime avatar of the "famous for being famous" faux celebrity crowd, she along with Paris Hilton is a new breed of cat whose celebrity comes from the release of a sex tape and the canny exploitation of the resulting publicity. Like her good friend Miss Hilton (their relationship predates Kim's "celebrity", Kardashian is possessed of photogenic good looks but is short of any other discernible talents outside the bedroom. Both expanded their celebrity by becoming reality TV "stars".
Porn pioneer Harry Reems has commented how surprised he is at how porn stars like Jenna Jameson are accepted now in mainstream culture. His life was ruined by his participation in porn in its "Golden Years". As for Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, the release (accidental or not-so-accidental) of boudoir tapes did not result in shame but celebration. America like ancient Rome seems to have shuffled off the moral coil of virtue of the Republic and is now enjoying its Imperial self in an orgy of ignominy. It is always more fun on the toboggan ride down the hill than it was schlepping up it in the first place.
The backlash against Kardashian has been ugly. Commenting on Kim and her family, the stars of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" (2007), English actor Daniel Craig told "GQ" magazine, "You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a [expletive] idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?'"
Madmen[edit]
Madmen (2007) star Jon Hamm was even more direct, saying in an "Elle" magazine interview, "Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated." He went on to say, "Being a [expletive] idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture. You're rewarded significantly." After Kim and her family signed a new, four-year, $40 million deal for their show, Jonah Hill joined in, saying that, "The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like Madmen is disgusting."
In the decadence that is America of the $15-trillion deficit and no serious plans from either part for a solution to the economic problems of the "Great Recession", Kim Kardashian was welcomed to her second White House Correspondents Association Dinner in Washington, D.C. in 2012 and made fun of, not only by host Jimmy Kimmel but by President Barack Obama himself.
Kim's butt[edit]
Kim has been accused of using butt pads, but it is all silicone. In due time, her ass will receive its own television show when viewers become bored looking at her face. This will also satisfy the others who don't want to see it at all. Some people say that the nation of Moldova is located on the left cheek. It is also that under her booty, lies but another booty.
Kim Kardashian and selfies[edit]
Kim Kardashian was one of the celebrities who discovered that their iSelfie Accounts at Apple had been hacked into by 14 year old hormonally emerging young men. To general disappointment, the photos were less revealing than the stuff she has been flogging around the internet for years or had been uploaded by jealous ex-lovers.
Kim Kardashian and marriage[edit]
Despite her bad-girl image, Kim is a traditionalist about marriage. She insisted on a full Hollywood production for her hook up with Kayne West. All rights were later sold to her own TV channel where you can watch the whole thing on an endless, advertisement filled loop.