UnNews:Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos
| We distort, you deride | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Tuesday, April 29, 2025, 04:36:59 (UTC) |
| Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos | 
|
5 April 2025
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. State Department has confirmed that Popeye has been deported to El Salvador after Secretary Marco Rubio observed a tattoo he claims shows Popeye is a gang member of the Anchors Aweigh crime syndicate. In a dawn raid led by acting ICE boss Todd "Bluto" Lyons, Popeye was arrested at the home of his girlfriend Olive Oyl. Local police had become suspicious of Popeye when large amounts of spinach and tobacco arrived at the crime couple's fishing village on Nankickthebucket, near Dice Island, Massachusetts.
"We've been looking for this one-eyed drug runner for years," confirmed Bluto. "We knew something was up when Popeye offered a lame explanation of his bicep tattoos. He said they were traditional ones to show everyone he was a sailor, but our informants told us they were really signs to show this villain has long been a member of the Venezuelan gang Aqua Vitae."
Popeye is currenty chained to the floor in El Salvador's notorious prison for hard-core criminals. Ms. Oyl has vowed to "bring her man back", even though her legal husband, Ham Gravy, is strongly in favor of keeping the spinach-scarfing fiend out of the country for good.
Sources[edit]
- Staff "Can you judge a man by his tattoos?". The Independent, April 04, 2025