UnNews:NE Patriots go "Judon-frei"

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We have met the enemy, and he is us ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 06:21:59 (UTC)
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15 August 2024

Smith-Schuster looks relieved to avoid a year of ethnic rebuilding.

FOXBORO, Massachusetts -- The New England Patriots of American Football appear to be in a campaign of ethnic cleansing of their roster.

The club has traded veteran linebacker Matthew Judon to Atlanta for a third-round draft pick and a bag of footballs, each one properly inflated. The trade comes on the heels of releasing wide receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster. Although the moves resemble a common strategy to exchange certain excellence in 2024 for possible promise in 2025, dispatching both Judon and JuJu is also seen as an attempt to avoid association with anything that appears even remotely Jewish.

Team owner Robert Kraft — thought by many intimate associates to be a closet Muslim — evidently seeks to render the entire franchise "Judon-frei" (Jew-free).

The move might make the upcoming season attractive to students at Harvard University in nearby Boston — a hotbed of the "Free Palestine" movement, which seeks to free that Middle Eastern county of annoyances, such as neighbors. These ivy-league students might become Pats season-ticket holders, as they are noted for paying exorbitant entrance fees while not caring about the mission of the institution nor the likelihood of victory.

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