UnNews:Sunak soaked for General Election announcement

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

We have met the enemy, and he is us UnNews Tuesday, June 18, 2024, 19:12:59 (UTC)

Sunak soaked for General Election announcement UnNews Logo Potato.png

31 May 2024

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak personifies the Tory faction known as "the Wets".

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak fired a water pistol, marking the start of his General Election campaign. Standing in the pouring rain, with the sound of someone playing Things Can Only Get Wetter in the background (the Labour Party anthem from 1997), Sunak stuck out his chin and made a damp speech.

This General Election is between a Conservative Party that is a bucketful of fantastic ideas, like destroying the economy, and a Labour Party led by a leftie lawyer and his horde of anti-Semitic Marxists. The choice is simple: it's me or the other guy. And here I am, courageously standing in the rain without a raincoat or umbrella. So that makes me tougher!

News of the snap election — with the government down at 20% of popular support — was described as 'barmy' by Sunak's supporters. They had been expecting an election in October or November of this year. Instead, the election will be held in the early summer, which was when everyone — especially those guys — wanted to get away and swim in clean, crystal-clear, warm Mediterranean water — like, say, Greece.

Sunak, who succeeded Liz Truss in October 2022 after the latter managed to bury her premiership in 49 days, is the richest man in Britain, even more loaded than King Charles III. Sunak aims to overcome Labour's lead in time to be turned back into government with an actual mandate this time.

Despite Sunak's enthusiasm, the Conservatives are set to take a drubbing on 4 July. Trailing 20 points behind Labour, many Tories face an electoral wipeout, even in traditionally safe Tory seats. Other parties, such as the Liberal Democrats and the Greens, are also expecting a good result. It is quite possible that Sunak is actively trying to lose the election before it has even begun.

Sources[edit]