UnNews:Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Straight talk, from straight faces UnNews Monday, April 22, 2024, 05:11:59 (UTC)

Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized UnNews Logo Potato.png

22 March 2024

Rep. Trone, shown looking down at his audience.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. David Trone (D-MD) used a derogatory term for Those People during a hearing of the House Budget Committee.

Trone, 68, referred to a "darkie", a derogatory and offensive term for African-Americans everywhere but South Korea. He later insisted he meant to say "malarkey", a similar word that is a favorite of President Joe Biden. He would also deny that he had ever heard the slur but said that, as a privileged white man, he should have remembered its "long, dark history" — then he denied he meant anything by calling it dark.

Above all, he denied that, hearing the committee testimony of black-as-coal Budget Director Shalanda Young, he experienced a Freudian slip, in which jaunty terms for persons of a humble color naturally flooded into his mind. The gaffe would have traumatized Angela Alsobrooks, the black woman running against Trone for the U.S. Senate, as well as one-third of their Maryland constituents.

Tragically, the gist of Trone's original remarks was lost — the "[malarkey]" that "it's the tax rate that's stopping business investment," believed only by "people who have never run a business." Thus, if Congress raises business taxes, and thus lowers the after-tax return, there will be no negative consequences anywhere in the nation, such as taxpayers cancelling a deal, moving across the border, or spending next year on their yachts, because no real investor cares whether taxes are high or low. Congress will thus look for other explanations for cities like Baltimore.

Trone wrote an tear-stained apology to the Washington Post. "Upon learning the meaning of the word, I was deeply disappointed to have accidentally used it." Especially when addressing a sooty. He also apologized to the Post for any other words he is unacquainted with that also popped out of his mouth during the same hearing.

The Post contacted Shalanda but she declined to pile on, or else she piled on but the Post would never print it. As Trone is a Democrat, Post editors will not call for his career to be cancelled over the slur. Instead, as when a hockey goalie commits a violation, they will look for a nearby Republican to serve Trone's time in the penalty box.

Sources[edit]