UnNews:French guard Buckingham Palace

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A newsstand that's brimming with issues ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, December 30, 2024, 15:42:59 (UTC)
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9 April 2024

French troops look none too pleased about their ceremonial assignment.

LONDON -- For the first time in history, foreign troops marched in the guard in front of Buckingham Palace.

French and Scottish troops were the first and most visible line of the U.K. government's defense, as Prime Minister Rishi Sunak asked, "Really, what could go wrong with that?"

The pageantry marks the 120th anniversary of the Entente Cordiale between London and Paris, as the two countries agreed to fight on the same side in World War I, provided an assassin could be found to provoke it; also to not bicker quite so much. In fact, the Entente was a sponsorship package covering the first three World Wars — although, regarding a third installment of the "war to end all wars," leading U.S. candidate Donald Trump has already declared, "We're not in unless the Europeans pay their share!"

The foreign troops were necessary as most of the British Royal Guard were off for Ramadan, though some of the men claimed it was "that time of the month" or that they were home watching that important cricket match or darning their hairnets.

French troops were added to the mix as all of Scotland was distracted by the passage of a new hate speech law that has already evoked over 8000 citizen complaints. The Scottish troops would be preoccupied with scanning onlookers for hints of micro-aggressions — notably, any tourists gawking at men wearing skirts.

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