Jihad My Ride

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Jihad My Ride is on fire!!

Jihad My Ride is a TV show inspired by MTV's Pimp My Ride and is shown every Saturday evening on al-Jazeera. In this series, instead of "pimping" the vehicles by installing TV screens in their trunks, the cars are "jihadded". The tuning crew, sometimes referred to as Q.A.E.D.A West, is led by a useless rap-artist but a rising star in the business, Li'l Bama. The show starts when the crew is preparing themselves for the day's challenge, which is usually a public transport vehicle or a San Francisco gay hospital. They get dressed in a mix of old age rap/ Muslim dressespers' uniforms and traditional Middle-Eastern attire and shoot the first take of the show in which they talk about what they are going to do that day.


This car needs to be jihadded.
Jihadding the ride in progress.

If a crew is to "jihad" a member's car, they start loading it up with SemTex, which is used heavily for the show. If there's enough money to make an even better episode, some petrol cans are also put in the car. Also, if the crew happens to have any useless nails, rubbish, or shotgun shells, they are also loaded in the car. Then they install a very special switch, which will complete the "jihadding-process" when the time comes.

Now, when this part is over and the crew has an almost-completely "Jihadificated" the vehicle, they obviously want their member to hit the road and go show off to his friends, or more often to his enemies. As the member drives around in a big city such as Baghdad, and he finds a nice café or some other place where there are a lot of people, he might just be lucky enough to find police officers or soldiers around the place. Then, there is only one thing left to do: bring on the grand finalé of the episode, when the crew flips the special little switch. The closing credits roll over the rest of the crew shouting and chanting as the jihad marches on.

Sometimes the results are better than expected
Now that is totally jihadded.

Jihad your own ride

The crew of Jihad your ride can be busy sometimes and cannot get to everybody due to budget. Here's a few tips to Jihad your own ride.

  • First get a random woman(or asian(maybe even a female asian)) to come over.
  • Second give your car keys to that random woman and let her ride it around for an hour.
  • Third enjoy your Jihadded car!!


Mahmoud "I-Wanna-Jihad" Ahmadinejad will make your ride The Bomb!!
  • Lil' German is the head of Jihad My Ride Europe and rides around saying "Germany must live on". He is also the coolest member of the team, with bling-bling in his teeth and his nipple. As a matter of fact, he wears bling-bling all over his body. With a very big shirt covering his body, the shirt is usually used to cover many tools to jihad someone's car, including rims, body kits, 52-inch televisions and a pile of McDonald's vouchers.
  • Mahmoud "I-Wanna-Jihad" Ahmadinejad is the official Jihad My Ride spokesman, who talks in front of press and mass media. His official quote, "peace man, peace", has spread in the international world to establish the so-called world peace. Quite contrary to the ultimate Jihad My Car's true goals, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad often misleads the press into thinking that Jihad My Car is a carwash with lots of virgins in burqas.
  • Skinny Sayed in charge of the logistics for every Jihad My Ride episode. The logistics include cool shades, belts, turbans, dildos, bras and body oil. Mohamed Elamir awad al-Sayed Atta, nicknamed Skinny Sayed, is known as the quickest member of the team in finishing his job. He is also the most loyal of the crew, since he always brushes his teeth before going to bed and kisses the member driving the car good-bye during every show.
  • Mad Musab was the late electronics expert on the show. His speciality was to hardwire every "jihadded" vehicle with that special little switch at the dénouement of every episode. He was also the moral support to the member driving the car, often wishing them an "Allahu Ackbar!" before they left. Unfortunately, Musab was killed in 2006 when snakes fell from a plane over Iraq and blew up his house with their deadly explosive venom. He was subsequently replaced by Wacky Zawahiri, who has a profound obsession with the American sitcom Family Guy.
  • Mao Dogg is the person who selects the lucky car each week. As a Chinaman, he knows the exact specifications of every vehicle in the world, and even outer space. With his motto, "made in China", Mao owns everything and can select a car each week just by opening one of his eyes. Some of his favourite cars are Ferrari, Acura, Bentley and 1976 Ford Mustang.
  • Others are the other crews in the team. They have been located all around the globe and are always ready to receive some jihad message. Quite rarely, the age of the others exceed 30 years. Currently under investigation, others are always missing just shortly after the production of each Jihad My Ride episode. Some names have been dropped by the broadcasters; in future episodes we can look forward to the appearance of Ahmed Imminagaibah, Izzi Akhrim and Wadyamin Wazi.

Public Transport

The Jihad My Public Transport logo in the 80s style.

Over the last few years, the popularity of Jihad My Ride has risen astronomically. Li'l Laden himself did not expect this to happen because when the show was aired for the first time, he was quite unsure about its future popularity. However, due to sponsors from many countries, such as The United States of America, The United Kingdom, Scotland, Egypt and Bahrain, Jihad My Ride has earned its own place inside the viewers' hearts.

"Quick, get it while they get the driver" - The guy in the top left-hand corner is Skinny Sayed.

The 2004 Season Finale was staged in Madrid were four commuter trains were jihadded simultaneously. Thought by the surprised audience to be Jihad my Ride's Coup de Gras, the Spaniards were not very amused and boycotted Danish products for months, causing Denmark to lose 35$ on it's total export income. The great success of the show now had become a matter of international attention.

As a result, the producers of Jihad My Car wanted to gain more popularity than ever before. In the end, Jihad My Public Transport beta was officially created in 2005, starting at the crews' backyard, somewhere south of Islington. The first trial, set on the London Underground, was considered a success, although two crews were reported dead during the experiment. Only two weaks later another Jihad attempt was released on the London Underground, but the show was not the expected success after all the bombs were fake. This was greeted with much disdain by die-hard 'Jihad My Ride'-Fans, who pressured the executives to go back to their roots of jihadding motor vehicles.

Copy-cat TV-shows just as Palestinian based 'Hamas my Egged-Busses' took on from where Jihad my Public Transport stopped and were able to gain considerable success among fans worldwide.

The 28 minutes of tears and joys is highly anticipated by President George W. Bush. In an interview on his prized Crawford golf course, he stated, "Well, we're gonna get their butts here, and I'll bring my butt, too, and we're gonna finish this. In fact, I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you."

"Now, watch this drive!"

Jihad My Ride has done it once again, in a rappin' way.

See also

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