Moonraper
| Moonrapist | |
| |
| Directed by | Viagra falls |
| Written by | O.J. Simpson |
| Starring | Roger Moore Marlon Brando |
| Produced by | Jimmy Page |
| Distributed by | United Artists |
| Release date | 1979 |
| Runtime | 2 hours, 26 minutes |
| Language | English, Japanese-Brazillian, German, French |
| Budget | $ -243 |
| IMDb page | |
“Moonraper-6:00PM, put the Beef in the oven”
- ~ Alan Partridge on Moonraper
Moonraper, released in 1980 is the eleventieninth film in the series and the fourth to star Roger Moore as James Bond. It was directed by Muddy Waters, written by Elvis, and scored by Jimmy Page and Muddy Waters. It co-starred Marlon Brando as Drax.
Production[edit]
In 1957, the film rights to Moonraper were initially sold to the Russian Government for £10,000. Fleming eventually bought back the rights in 1959 for a new Oldsmobile. Elvis had wrote screenplay of Moonraper that was eventually discarded, but revived. Some scenes from his script were later used in subsequent films, including the Acrostar Jet sequence used in the pre-credit sequence for Octopussy but were uncredited and went to Jimmy Page.
Muddy Waters was selected to direct the film by usual director Jimmy Page, who instead chose to score the film with Waters and concentrate on Led Zeppelin's In Through the Out Door (Some tracks of which appeared on the Soundtrack). Roger Moore was still serving his sentence as 007 and continued to play the role, while Marlon Brando was recruited in exchange for a new prom dress.
Plot[edit]
After a Drax Industries Moonraper space shuttle is hijacked while transported atop a Greyhound bus, James Bond is sent to investigate after he falls out of a jumbo jet while attempting to crash it into the pentagon, Bond lands in a circus tent and calmly walks away from the destruction left behind.
At Drax Industries, Bond is coldly greeted by the obese, cucumber sandwitch loving, tea-drinking Drax and henchman Pio-Chin-Chang-Lang Li, the latter immediately ordered to see that "some woman will cum on him". Bond also meets Dr. Holy Goodhead, an astronaut-scientist-stripper employed by Drax, who, calling Bond on his sexism, tests him in a centrifuge while he plays Morrowind. Chang sabotages the test. After surviving that, Bond sneaks into Drax's study and finds blueprints for a glass vial made by a kittens in Kentuckistan. Next morning Bond leaves for Venice, where he again encounters Goodhead, in a museum glass exhibition. He is attacked by Drax's henchmen but flies away on his Gondola with wings.
Later, after some Goodhead, Bond notices a flame-throwing perfume bottle and a concealed radio transmitter in Goodhead's vagina. He identifies the devices as those issued by the CIA. He concludes that Goodhead is a CIA agent spying on Drax. With this knowledge, he "pushes the panic button" forcing M and the Minister of Defence to go to Venice and see the nerve agent laboratory for themselves. Unfortunately for Bond, the laboratories have been re-converted to a drawing room, where they encounter a surprised Drax. Bond, however, has saved one of the vials he earlier found when spying in the laboratory, giving it to M for analysis (Which M later mistakenly smokes, and discovers a cure). Bond and Goodhead travel to South Carolina to investigate some of Drax's cargo only to learn that Chang has been replaced by Jaws after Drax found out Change was smoking weed in the bathroom stalls while on duty. Jaws and Bond fight at a local whorehouse owned by Drax and then again on top of a fighter jet, after which Goodhead is captured by henchmen disguised as male strippers.
Bond reports to M's temporary headquarters in Brazil and learns that the vial contains a lethal toxin. Bond then travels up the Po River looking for Drax's research facility-he is also supposed to eliminate his command with extreme prejudice. After making his way to Drax's facility, Bond fights off his pet one eyed snake with an q-tip made of razor blades, but is captured regardless.
Captured again, Bond and Goodhead are encaged in a Barbeque Pit underneath a Moonraper shuttle set for lift off. Bond uses an explosive charge connected to a wire in his calculator watch to remove an pile of kittens blocking the ventilation shaft, then he and Goodhead escape from the platform. After doing so they pose as emo pilots then board one of Drax's shuttles on a preset flight to outer space.
Drawing the toxin from a species of kitten located in the Amazon River basin, Drax plans to destroy all human life (the toxin affects only humans) from space by launching 50 Christmas Trees containing the toxin from a radar-concealed space station; the toxin would be dispersed when each tree broke up during re-entry into the earth's atmosphere. Before launching the tree, Drax also transported several dozen carefully selected young men and women to the space station. They would live there until Earth was safe again for human life; these people would be the seed for a "new master race". Bond persuades Jaws to switch allegiance by getting Drax to admit that that anyone not measuring up to his physical standards would be eaten when the food supply ran out.
A radar-jammer thrown by Master Chief hides the space station's orbital presence from observers on Earth; 007 and Goodhead eventually disable it with coffee. After that, the U.S. send a platoon of Spartans and Marines in a military space shuttle to the station. On arrival, a laser weapons battle ensues. During the battle, Bond shoots Drax in the groin with a cyanide-coated dart attached to his wallet, pushes him to an airlock, and ejects him into outer space. The space station is heavily damaged and falls apart (It was made in China. Jaws helps Bond and Goodhead escape the station in a shuttle. In celebration, Jaws speaks for the first and only time when he opens a bottle with his metal teeth and toasts his girlfriend: "Well, here's to starting that master race" and make sweet love.
Before the battle in space, Drax launched three of the trees towards Earth. On their way back, Bond uses the space shuttle's lasers to destroy them (Just like in Star Wars) Then, the Americans and British attempt to congratulate to Bond and Goodhead, but when visual connection is made, they see Bond and Holly making love in zero gravity. Exasperated, Jimmy Carter asks what Bond is doing, to which Q offers a suggestion: "I think he's attempting re-entry, sir!".
Release and reception[edit]
Critical Reception[edit]
The film did not fair all that well with critics, simply because of the implausible story line, lack of much motivation, and not enough Death Star. It was also criticised that the lack of lightsabers caused some reviewers to fall asleep.
Boxoffice Reception[edit]
Generating nearly $149,191,888 worldwide, the film was one of the more successful James Bond exercises, it played for a record holding 14 months in theaters, well past the actual VHS release.
Novelization and Action Figure Line[edit]
As part of an agreement with Mattel, a series of Moonraper Barbies were produced from 1979-1983 based on the film.
A novelization was written of the film by famous author, Uncle Jesse, it was not much of a success and his been out of print for atleast 15 years.
Soundtrack[edit]
A full soundtrack was given to the film by Jimmy Page and Led Zeppelin, mostly consisting of heroin-induced orgasms by Page and several tracks from In Through the Outdoor (A method of entry, lead singer Robert Plant would describe, as harder than one would initially think dry) and several tracks by Muddy Waters. It was released as a five album LP and a Two Tape Cassette/8-track package. It was released on 2 Disc CD Collectors Special Limited Edition in 2002.
- Grand Theft Moonraper-0:21 (Guitars, Theremin by Jimmy Page)
- Moonraper-5:39 (Led Zeppelin, Muddy Waters on backing vocals and Guitar)-sometimes credited to Robert Plant.
- Hot Dog-4:57 (Led Zeppelin)
- North Carolina Blues-3:21 (Muddy Waters)
- PANIC! At the Warehouse-3:01 (Muddy Waters)
- Traveling Riverside Blues-5:43 (Led Zeppelin)
- Traveling down the Riverside Blues-5:21 (Muddy Waters)
- Fool in the Rain-7:14 (Led Zeppelin)
- Blast me Off-2:09 (Muddy Waters)
- Space Blues-0:56 (Muddy Waters, Page)
- Docking-9:44 (Muddy Waters, Page)
- Disembarkment Blues-4:55 (Muddy Waters)
- Discovered Blues-1:57 (Muddy Waters)
- Jaws Blues-0:53 (Muddy Waters)
- PANIC! On The Spacestation-2:40 (Muddy Waters, Page)
- Laser Battle Blues-5:59 (Muddy Waters)
- Star Spangled Banner-9:12 (Led Zeppelin)
- Big Dick'n Balls (Santa)
- South Bound Saurez-4:31 (Led Zeppelin)
- Tree Chasin' Blues-2:04 (Muddy Waters)
- Attempting Re-Entry-7:21 (Led Zeppelin, Muddy Waters)
- The Guitar-8:00 (They Might Be Giants)
Bonus Tracks: (Included on the Special Edition)
- Stairway to Heaven-5:42 (Page on slide acoustic guitar, Muddy Waters on Vocals and Harmonica)
- Darkstar-98:14 (Page on mandolin/banjo, Grateful Dead on acid)
See also[edit]
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Action and adventure films