Oddjob

Oddjob back in his pre-color years.

Oddswald Jehobediah, better known as "Oddjob" was a Mestizo pygmy who got his nickname from doing oddjobs, although most well-known as one of the trusted henchmen of Hench, Hit, and Other Types of Men, Inc., and Goldfinger. He also worked as one of the company's hitmen, and later as a fireman, maintenanceman, and a fully-fledged assassinman (his gender according to his company's profile of him was a "manman").

Early life

Not much is known about Oddjob's early days. Some have suggested that he is actually a Premenstrunis Protohominid Gorillisis, from the uninhabitated Northern Congo. Whilst others have suggested he was merely a crocodile in a Hideo Kojima costume. This is only speculation however.

What is known for a fact, is that in April of 1958, an fisherman picked up what he described as "a snarling, ferocious, naked beast", and quickly sold it to Peter Jackson to use as Gollum in an major motion picture. However, on the way from Laos it was intercepted by M-16 fighter jets, and presented as a gift to the head of SPECTRE, Blofeld. The beast (which came to be known as Oddjob) was sold and contracted out on various occasions.

Golden years

Whilst serving as an aid to Auric Goldfinger, Oddjob was killed in action by the forces of James Bond, during an miscalculated raid on Fort Knox.

James Bond with Oddjob's disfigured younger brother, Random Task.

He is said to have tipped his hat only to James Bond, which is quite rare as his hat has been surgically attached to his head, using the steel rim of the bowler cap to drill into the ground when digging for precious diamonds during his early career as a diamondman. After having his way with Oddjob, Bond sadly ripped off Oddjob's hat, exposing his unprotected brains. It is believed that Bond then enjoyed a meal of raw knowledge, which he humorously quipped as eating "monkey brains" (although this may have actually been the doing of his son, Indiana Jones; sources tend to vary).

Height controversy

While Oddjob is known throughout pop culture to be in the game GoldenEye, In which he is the strongest of Bond's adversaries. He is just so fucking short. You have to either chase him down and slap him to death, (Which is impossible) or use the plain retarded joystick to shoot him before he kills you. As a response to this, the best strategy is to just say "no Oddjob", and hope your "friend" isn't just a huge dickbag.

Oh, he probably is.

Sources

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