Mach Rider

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Mach Rider came out in 1986, which is only a rumor, but it is a highly unknown fact. It was created by the company Nintendo, who we all know about and giving any more information aobut this Nintendo would be mindless drivel. Mach Rider had a complicated storyine to it, and some weird graphics and gameplay. Many people were injured, and hundreds died. At least it had a catchy theme song and a track editor.

The game and it's glory.[edit]

I am new at this craft, so you can go ahead and kill me, but I feel like playing my hand. Mach Rider gameplay was kinda like if Excitebike decided to lose the crowds, the cameramen, lost the jumps, go behind the rider, blow some stuff up, and guzzle a bottle of Megalomania. A easier term? Excitebike + Spy Hunter = Mach Rider. Why didn't I use that analogy first? I. Don't. Know...

Anyways, according to sources that I think lie, the game takes place in 2112 were evil forces (Bandits) threated to destroy the planet, but you, your "Mach Rider" you have a uber-sweet bike that you can use to fight the bandits! As we look at it, "Mach Rider" is a stupid name, so we are going to call him Phil.

Gameplay, like we care about that[edit]

Gameplay was so simple, a monkey with ADD could figure it out. Really. It has been proven in labs! In combat mode: It involved you using Phil to drive around on a set path using your machine gun, taking out any bandits on the road, laughing at them as their bodies burn from the ingnited fuel, all while getting to point A to point B within the time limit. A notible thing about the bandits is that they used buggies, which clearly points to two things:

  • A. The Bandits are stupid.
  • B. This game is creating the long list of cliches as it goes on and on.

Then you have your Endurance Mode, were you need to race a certain amount of Kilometers (Damn non-american metric system...) while enemies got in your way.

Other Modes[edit]

And then Solo Mode, were it's only point is to go to your friends and say "Hur, I are better that choo." Oh yeah, we got Course Creation mode, but that is a different story a story to be told later. Along with the enemies, the track was littered with oil and water for you to slip off of the road and go into one of the barrels at the side of the road, which brings us to our second dissucussion of gameplay, death. If you crashed or something unfortunate like that, Phil would explode into 5-7 pixalatted pieces that looked like crap, then he would reform and keep at until his "reform" ability ran out of energy, were as you would get a famous "Game Over" message.

Now, the way that the lives-death system works posed many questions. I mean, we can all understand the bike coming together in 5-7 pieces of square, but Phil? He is human! This is going beyond all understanding! We're all doomed! "ahem" going beyond that, we now go to a new topic, the machine gun. It says that you have infinite Machine gun ammo when you clearly didn't . You eventually ran out and then you had to dodge the bandits, instead of ending their pathtic little minds! Okay, my composure is back. This game also had a gear system to it, but noone really cares, now do they?

Track Editor Blurb[edit]

Yes, like the eariler gem of Nintendo's, Excite-whatever, Mach rider continaed a track editor that seemd a bit more realistic than Excitebike's "act of god" editor. This one had you select pieces, and place them in the "map" area. No Jesus on a bike creating jumps and grass at the press of the B button. Just a simple map screen and pieces, were you buid a path to point B from point A. And then you can make your friends ride on it. And they they die. And then you laugh.

The End[edit]

Well, thats all I got. Hope you enjoyed my first shitty article. See you in the trash bin. If it is good, spruce it up, I suck at this fancy HTML or whatever you youngins call it.