Sex and the City

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“Wait, so they have sex with men for no reason, and you don't have to pay them?!”

~ Oscar Wilde on on the women of Sex and the City

“So it's a show about three hookers and their mom?”

~ Brian Griffin on Sex and the City

Two hours with whiney white movies.jpg

"Sex and the City" often called 'sex in the city' was a popular American cable television program,(and is secretly enjoyed by men everywhere) based on the book "How to make money by fooling people into thinking that your show is about sex... when it's not.", by Candy Bush. It was originally broadcast on the HBO (Horny Bored Oldmen) network from 1998 until 2004. Since 2004, its spinoff Desperate Housewives has become incredibly popular, because, it was actually more about sex, than the original show, and the main actresses were replaced by more attractive whores.

The Show[edit]

Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie, with the gang of old hags in at Dr Melfi's office in the episode "Dude, Where's My AARP Card?"

Set in New York City, the show focuses on the sex lives of four ass-ugly female best friends , who are also elderly celebrity guests on MTV's I Want a Famous Face. A sitcom with soap opera elements, but none as classy as The Bold and the Beautiful or The Young and the Restless, the show often tackled socially relevant issues, such as the status of women in society if men were to let them hold positions of power. Sex and the City premiered on June 6, 1998, and the last original episode aired on February 22, 2004.

Despite the many signs, the four women appear unaware that they are high-class whores. Surviving as whores of fortune, these women are for hire. If none else can help, and you can find them, maybe you can hire them. The main character Carrie Bradshaw is believed to be a creature that is not only half man, but half foot. She thinks of herself as intelligent and desirable, when in actuality you couldn't pay someone to go out with that. {{Q|They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV and she looks like a foot!)) -Peter Griffin on Sarah Jessica Parker.


In keeping with it's accurate portrayal of lonely, spoilt, elderly women, the show features a diverse set of complex subtle and not-at-all-stereotyped performances that realistically depict all FOUR templates that real women unquestioningly conform to; the boring and conservative religious fundamentalist; the aging cock-hungry slut that SURELY is HIV- positive; the dowdy, grumpy and bossy lesbian-but-she's-not-a-lesbian-but-in-real-life-she's-a-lesbian(might-be-a-lesbian?)DYKE ALERT lawyer; and lastly, the shrill? hardly! neurotic? NO! never-annoying, forever narrating HORSE FACE aka Sarah Jessica Parker. Best wishes!

Off spin, very off spin[edit]

HBO is planning a next generation of Sex and the City codenamed The Golden Girls and have been waiting for the original cast of Sex and the City to either reach the age of 50 or look it. Since at least one of these criteria has been met for some time, the show is planned for release in the near future.

The show is set to focus around the problems faced by older women today and is set entirely in one of the four womens' kitchen each week with tea and biscuits being served while they talk about their previous sexy stories from the city (kind of like flashbacks, but with no actual content from the original series since the women complained that it made them feel old).

An interesting feature of the show is the lack of a make-up crew since the producers feel they don't have to worry about hiding the age of the women, as was a key factor in the demise of the previous show, but rather would like to completely expose it to give the show an authentic feel.

You wouldn't steal a car, right?[edit]

The show's cast has appealed to the maternal side of software piraters not to pirate this show since this is the last time that these four kind, granny-like women can earn enough money for their botox and facial surgery operations that will make them look 20 years younger, approximately 109 years young.

Licensing issues[edit]

Currently HBO is having licensing issues with the name of this show, but will soon resolve it when the cast of the original Golden Girls show fall asleep... permanently. This may have already occurred by the time you read this. The so-called Golden Girls have had many legal disputes with this new show, their primary argument being that young people should respect their elders. Since nobody can easily tell if the cast from Sex and the City is older or younger than the cast from The Golden Girls, this argument has been heavily disputed.

Show warning[edit]

A stern warning has been issued by producers that they will not be responsible for any permanent or irreversible psychological damages caused by watching the show to avoid any legal ramifications from what recent studies have called Complete and Permanent Brain Shutdown which has been found to occur when normal humans have any kind of sensory exposure to the sexual experiences or stories of people who have even the slightest resemblance to their grand parents. If you watch this show, you get a very accurate view of what not to be if you want to get someone. That old Sara Jessica parker has deeply disturbed many of today's minds on account of her stupid antics, simpleminded dictions, and spoiled selfishness. How anyone could ever find this creature attractive is uncertain.

The fate of a straight man who watches a full episode that doesn't feature a sex scene he considers wankworthy (most). Guyonfire.jpg

See: Suicide


The show hasn't been criticized enough for its hypocrisy. The four lead characters often 'do lunch' and trash men for sleeping with any woman with a pulse. The main horse usually then stares into space and asks herself a question as a voiceover. She then says: 'across town' and another of the female leads will be cut to, sleeping with a man she's never met but has an instant attraction to, justifying this by stating at the next lunch that they don't sleep with a different guy every week, also usually blaming the man for not being good enough in bed. As an unnoticed paradox, the woman will then sleep with another man, searching for sexual satisfaction, subsequently widening her woman theatre further, meaning less and less men will have the penis size to please her. For an exact size and description of 3 of the 4 lead actress' vaginas, see Desert

Planned run-time[edit]

The show is planned to air for a record 25 years with the story line progressing from flashbacks of Sex and the City to flashbacks of the flashbacks and so on and so forth. The crew would be approximately 135 years of age by that time thus the need for cryogenics allowing the cast to be frozen between shows, unless the Ocean of Youth is discovered.