FarmVille

Common Knowledge

Farmville (or Yawnville) is one of the best Communist games ever created in society. You may find it on Facebook and it requires day in and day out of planting amazing crops, building structures (that are doomed to remain unfinished), taking care of animals, and harvesting them for money while bugging your friends about it. The game is found by most to be very boring. But I bet there are some things you didn't know about Farmville.

A picture of the exciting things Farmville can do

Behind the Scenes

Theory 1: It has been thought that Farmville was made by a secret society of sorcerors with the goal of world domination by the art of programming. They hoped to accomplish many evil deeds, in fact all the profit from Farmville cash (Like $4.00 a month) goes towards making the game as addictive as possible to vulnerable humans with insufficient space in their backyard to grow REAL vegetables. (Meanwhile, they have secret contracts with condo developers and landlords to make apartment living more affordable than home ownership.) The game was developed with ancient arcane magic usually used to turn human beings into garden gnomes. This magic is quite versatile. Because the secret society is actually a witch coven and sorority, it is a fact that it was entirely made by females. Those witches must be up to no good with the development of this horrifying game. This game is designed to achieve world domination by sucking up the spare time (and sometimes working hours) of millions and attempting to recruit all their friends into the mesmerizing mind-numbing properties of this game.

Theory 2: A top secret division of the government created Farmville to keep the unemployed from rioting in the wake of the most serious recession since the 1930s. Farmville accomplishes this by (1) Giving a false sense of productivity and accomplishment; (2) Requiring constant attention from the game addicts so as to keep them anchored in one place (ie in front of their computer). The more people can be kept constantly at their computers, the less people are likely to be able to start public protests and create undesirable attention on the current economic climate. (3) Alienating game addicts from their non-gaming friends, who are tired of seeing Farmville requests but haven't got around to blocking the application yet. (4)Creating a distraction to entertain the young and create a new generation of Farmville addicts.

Purpose

Notice the flying militaristic cow and menacing unicorn

.

At first the game was designed to give a fun and meaningful experience to players, but after this proved impossible the witches took over the design team to do, well, whatever they wanted to do it for. Soon the games goal became clear, to capture every child and lonely 40 year old guy in his mom's basement, then train and create a farming and mechanical fish army to take over the world!

How to play

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Clicick. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Refresh due to lag. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Did I mention clicking yet? Oh, okay.k. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. If you get a headache, use HeadOn. Apply directly to your forehead. If you get depressed, take Symbalta. Remember Depression hurts, Symbalta can help.

Extensive Testing!!!

In a study done by a team of expert scientists, consisting of three veterinarians, a gynecologist, and two goat-herders from the lower part of the Appalachian mountains, the results were conclusive. two thirds of those polled said that Farmville was more addicting than LSD, Heroin, and Abercrombie and Fitch clothing lines combined, the two goat-herders being unable to understand the subtle nuances of the game and returning to better things, like actually farming. "Farmville is a waste of time," said gynceologist Patrick Swayze. "I would never waste my time on such..." The interview was concluded at this point as he rushed out quickly, muttering under his breath about harvesting corn.

The Church's Stance on Farmville

As in most cases, however, the church frowns upon such a thing of beauty and joy. "Farmville and its players are the reasons for all natural disasters. Alabama was full of Farmville players. It was God's punishment on them for divulging in such an adulterous delight!" This quote is from an anonymous bishop named Steve Cassell, who fidgeted with his cellular phone during the entire conversation, and left the confession box where this interview was held promptly after his farmville alert went off for ripe tomatoes.

It's like animal military... but no armory?

What will it do to me?

Players who are being absorbed by this game will experience uselessness, tiredness, redness of eyes, dislike of life, numb fingers, PMS, and many more. Side effects of this medication might include the Twilight-Virus, jumping up and down, depression, frustration because you have to wait a bloody three hours until your crops are grown, 5 o' clock shadow, and laziness. The only way to cure this is to jump off a cliff and forget Farmville. Note, jumping off a cliff might do more than just forgetting Farmville

Idiot Test

Farmville is essentially an idiot test. The longer it takes the user to realise that they would be more productive staring at a stone evaporate the more of an idiot they are. Farmville implements some of the most basic tactics to trick the fool into believing they are accomplishing something.The game could not get any more basic, if it was harder the user might have to use their brain and that would count as work.

Problems

The main problem about Farmville is you must be on it 24-7 or your crops will fail and the whole world will explode. If you can't do this you will have to beg to go on your friends computer when you go to meet him and you will have to purchase an iPhone so you can play on the go.

The Sequel

Yes, there is now a sequel out. Farmville 2 is fun up until about level 3, after which it becomes about as much fun ss watching wheat grass grow. Fortunately, in the game it only takes about 10 minutes for the first batch, but this is also about as much time as it takes the average user to realize that they are wasting their life behind a computer screen doing basically nothing, and decide to do some chores instead. Should they have left the game window open while they went to do chores, a window will come up to send free gifts to your friends, who of course, don't play the sequel yet. You could try to pass the time by growing 60-second tomatoes, but you run out of water before the second batch of wheat is done, which takes 4 hours, and you don't get a well until that batch of wheat is harvested. So you navigate to another Facebook game and play that one for just long enough to forget about Farmville 2, which isn't bookmarked, naturally.

External links

• Farmville, the original cash cow
• FarmVillain