Billy Idol

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Dr. William Fredrick-Sanchez Idol V (born 30 November 1955), better known by his stage name Billy Idol, is a world-reknown English monster hunter, guardian of punk rock, and prominent scientist studying theoretical physics. He is most notable for working alone in dark basements during thunderstorms, and is well known for dancing at weddings, especially the first wedding for his little sister (presumably a shotgun wedding on a nice day). He has covered numerous subjects, including what happens when rock stars get interested in cyber punk and does a poor job at it, and he is also known for introducing the letter l to the English language. Most people misunderstood this and thought he was in fact saying Rebel "Yell". However, he was noting the rebellious nature of this new letter, in his native British dialect. Before becoming an official monster hunter master, Dr. Idol apprenticed under Van Helsing for many years, and is his greatest student and achievement.

Life as a monster hunter[edit]

In the Summer of 1993, upon seeing the results of "Cyberpunk," Dr. Idol decided to study cryptozoology, which lead him to Montana, where he began his hunt for the elusive Sasquatch. He tracked it through the forest for over six days before he found the evil beast, and he promptly killed it, which he did by hypnotising the creature with his upper lip, then punching it square in the jaw. Billy Idol is most likely the reason why Sasquatch has never been proven to exist.

Dr. Billy Idol had also slain the Minotaur on the island of Crete in 1995. He had spent two whole weeks searching for it with no food, no water, no guns or ammunition. Despite being bear naked in the wild he eventually did find the beast in a labrynth. Billy Idol and the Minotaur then fought in an epic dual with their bear hands that raged on for another two whole weeks. The battle ended when Idol got the upperhand and strangled the Minotaur with 2 and a half inches of yarn string. He took the Minotaurs' horns as a trophy and displayed them on a wall in his palace in Antartica.

Shortly after his experiences in Crete, Billy Idol was contacted by David Bowie, who informed him the Loch Ness Monster had appeared again. Doctor Idol hopped in the next plane to Loch Ness, where he swam to the bottom of the Loch and killed the beast. The body was donated to the Royal Navy for study.

Billy Idol is currently in Chile, tracking down the Chupacabra.

Billy Idol was once credited for hunting down Gary Glitter, and nearly destroying his manhood.

Life as a gundam pilot[edit]

He once in a desperate bid to take on a Grue piloted a Deathscyth Hell Custom. The following battle lead to the destruction of Atlantis, Mexican Jesus and Sarah Palin's left knocker. He never actually defeated the grue and was saved by Black Jesus and Barack Obama who later gifted him with the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch to help in the fight against Mel Gibson.

Confrontation With MxPx[edit]

Once during an interview, Mike Herrera of MxPx spoke the fatal phrase, "so then I realized, that I can be Christian, and punk rock." At that moment, Billy Idol burst in through the window (which was closed) sending shattered glass shooting everywhere. He punched Mike Herrera in the face, breaking his nose into his ear, whilst screaming "No! You can't." The bloodied and battered pop-vocalist looked up at Doctor Idol, and said "but you're not punk rock." To which Billy Idol replied appropriately, "no, but I know what it is."

Andy Husted quit the band that day.

The March Against Kitten Huffing[edit]

Billy Idol was well known for his work with S.H.I.T., the Stop Huffing Innocent Tabbies Group. As the President of the group, he made many great strides torwards the war against kitten Huffing, the most notable being the inventor of the Chicken Huff 100, 150, 200 and 15,675,301, which was essentially a reversed engineered super soaker. The Chicken Huff introduced a safe alternative to kitten huffing while offering more soul to boot. At the same time it allowed for the portability of "Huffed souls", these could be taken anywhere, for a good whiff, anytime. Being that chickens were much easier to obtain, chicken huffing rapidly took the place of kitten huffing, finally releasing the poor kittens from the evil grasp of the phenomenon that had swept the nation, killing them all in the process but also keeping them alive. Unfortunately, with the new threat of the avian flu, chicken huffing has seen a major decline in usage,resulting in the rise of kitten huffing again. Idol writes: It was a horrible rainy, stormy night and I heard a wheezing outside the back door. I opened the door to find the kitten, lying on its side. Right away knew he had been huffed, and those bastards had only left him with two or three of his nine lives left. What had this poor feline done to deserve his fresh kitten soul to be syphoned out for some strange, horrible trip.

- Excerpt From "Catatonic - When Kitten Huffing has Gone too far"

Scientific achievements[edit]

  • 1975 - While apprenticing under Van Helsing, Idol was also earning his PhD in Theoretical Phyisics...he earned it in the one milisecond he setfoot in the valedictorian of his class.
  • 1976 - Achieved time travel, going back to 1780 in order to frame Benedict Arnold just for the hell of it.
  • 1983 - Successfuly created an intelligent and reasonable method to look at Frenkenstein's Monster for the purpose of hunting other frankensteins.
  • 1989 - Experimentally verified that indeed, in the midnight hour, "She" cries "More, More, More"(It had been previously proposed that "she" "screams in silence" by the death metal-polka group Green Day)
  • 1995 - Invents the "Chicken Huffer" A device that revolutionizes animal soul accumulation
  • 2000s and beyond- Dr. Idol currently slays vampires and other demons that arise from the Hellmouth and tracking chupacabras.

Lawsuit from Jack Thompson[edit]

In 2005, Billy Idol received a lawsuit from Jack Thompson charging that his song White Wedding was racially insensitive. He released a dub version in the 'hood called Ethnically Diverse Wedding in an out-of-court settlement.